The next day after exams

hmm... well, although I did mention tat "there's no way I'm gonna put pics of my life" in my 2nd last post, I did promise karyn that I'd post this, so I guess I'd have to take back what I said... ^^;

actually, I was going to blog about my life in that sense, but it was more that I like to talk about movies, so I'd give comments & I'd get to put some nice pics at the same time XD but I forgot to mention movie pics, it slipped my mind... ^^;

we did see a movie, but I'll blog about it in the next post...

so, what happened was basically immediately after exams, on wed (exams finished on tue), karyn & I planned to go out together *btw, she said tat only ppl with no life wldn't go out on the day after exams ;-P)but we both went on9 until 2 am, so normally at this point, you'd expect ppl to wake up late & all that, rite?

wrong! XP she had to come early to my house that morning due to transport issues, & the time she came was at 7.15 am. The things young ppl do these days... ^^; but honestly, it's the 1st time any of my friends ever came to my house so early, but since she had a reason for it, I still consider her normal, but actually, I really wouldn't mind anyone coming early cos then it means that we spend longer time together, or have more fun together haha.

anyway, our plan was basically quite relaxed, cos most young ppl don't plan much normally lol XP we basically planned to see the movie "enchanted" & stay in the bookshop to read. but normal ppl won't go together to a bookshop to read, but we wanted to try it out... ;-D cos it's good to be different from other ppl, but not in a bad way of cos... ;-P

anyway, things didn't really go as planned, but we did see the movie... I'll comment about it in my next post... we didn't really get to read in the bookshop which is too bad, but we still had fun otherwise... rather, you could say more fun than reading in a bookshop together...

btw, I forgot to mention tat we went midvalley, so the bookshop was mph... before seeing the movie, cos we had enough time, we went to pets wonderland cos I wanted to, & besides the animals are cute~ ^^

some pics will show wat it is tat we saw...

the 1st things we saw were the cats

fishies! XP

argh~ so gosh-darn cute! XD

aww, isn't tat cute? they look like they're kissing~ ^^;

I dunno why, but I like to see this pic. I guess seeing them all huddled & squished together is cute... ^^;

I put nearly all the pics cos I cldn't resist ^^; well, ppl shldn't mind cos it's cute anyway ;-P

also, cos I like those things like horoscopes & fortunes & so on, we saw a machine & I wanted to try it out. but the stupid thing wouldn't work! to be accurate, what happened was it didn't accept my money (it only accepted 20 cents coins), so yeah, it's their loss...

then, we saw another machine!

the one tat didn't work juz now was one tat supposedly reads ur palms, & it's a machine tat I saw since I was young & alwiz wanted to try it out, but never managed to... the 2nd machine though, I haven't seen before...

it's a machine that tells ur luck based on ur horoscope... so, we decided to try it out... & I kinda remembered tat karyn is the same star as me, cos ur bdays were quite close, so tat's another funny coincidence... & so we managed to save a little bit of money tat day ;-P

well, the 1st thing it wrote was "your lucky day is wednesday" & I found tat highly amusing because that day was wednesday! not that I believed in it, in a way, I was kinda sceptical in the sense tat I was wondering whether it said the same day for all stars or not, but I doubt it... ;-P

well, after tat, we barely made it in time for the show, & after the show, we decided to do what we originally planned for the day which was to read in mph. but, to read, first you'd have to take a book 1st. so, u could say that we spent most of our time looking for a book to read rather than reading the book itself ;-P

actually, I felt that we kinda lost sight of our objective cos we were too busy having fun XP & we basically went around the whole bookshop a few times looking at all the books... & I found out about the more popular or famous stories which I wouldn't have known otherwise cos I'm not interested in the 1st place...

also, while browsing, it did occur my mind (& it made me sigh ^^;) that if I wanted to read a happy gay (as in homosexual ;-P) story, I don't think I would find one available... ;-( but I guess it can't be helped, so I should be satisfied with my comics ;-)

but we did come across sth funny, although actually I didn't notice it, karyn did... but it made us laugh a lot, although you may now wonder at our sense of humour ^^;

I hope you noticed what was different & slightly odd in this picture...



but if you don't, the "chick-lit" is supposed to be spelt as "chic lit" ;-P

how insulting~ ^^;

anyway, I don't want to rant, so to cut this story shorter (since it's quite long already), we didn't do anything particular after that... & so we decided to go home.

cos there was sth else we planned to do that day... & that was to make a cake! XD
because we had enough time & I thought she'd like the idea that she'd get to eat the cake that she baked (as well as the fact that I do have the equipment & ingredients available), so that's basically what happened...

instead of going into elaborate detail, I'll juz show u the pics of the general process... ;-D

1st part: ingredients

this is floor that is sieved... you have to sieve the flour, or else you get a lumpy cake ^^;



we were making coffeecake, so the coffee is mixed in with the floor (it's sieved too)



haha, this is what bored ppl do, or rather beginners... I mentioned that she didn't have enough space for an "a" but she wouldn't listen... XP



next, you have to separate the egg yolk from the egg white, because you have to beat the egg white... this is mine



& this is karyn's... lol XP well, it's reasonable bcos she's a beginner... plus, the fact that that stupid holder is so lousy cos after that I kept on breaking it too T_T;



this is what the egg white looks like when it's being beaten lol ;-D



ooh, all fluffy~ XD



yeah, we had to add brown sugar to the egg white

2nd part: making the cake itself

this is the amount of butter in the cake... which normally applies to most cakes, so you shouldn't be eating cakes for a while after seeing this, but you may also forget this fact when you taste or see a cake XP



not only tat, we have to add sugar!!! truly cakes are frightening, the amount of calories & sugar &... well, there are a lot of unhealthy things that humans consume... only those who make it would probably know just how harmful it is ;-P



this is how we put the sugar in... ;-D

& this is the machine tat makes life so much easier as well as more effiicient XD it's also fun to see the process of mixing lol XP

after sugar, you add egg...



& milk...


for the purpose of not grossing ppl out by certain graphics, we did not take pics of what the cake mixture looks like after the egg & milk has been added haha ;-P

after adding the egg & milk, we took it out of the machine & put it into a separate container, cos supposedly it'll be better to mix the floor manually... so this pic is after the floor has been mixed, which is the last stage...

then, the mixture is put into a pan...



& put into the oven! XD

voila! a cake is made~ ^__^

now tat wasn't so hard, was it? ;-P

so yeah, tat was basically wat happened in tat day, which felt quite long to me, to be honest... ;-) which shows how much things you can do in a day, but if you don't bother to remember it, or write it down, it will eventually be forgotten ^^;

so, I'm encouraging u to write!!! XP but, I'm tired, so I'm gonna go~ ^^;

btw, I can't wait to write my next post, but it may not be appopriate considering the fact tat it'd probably be about christmas, but it'll be posted after christmas is over ^^;

ah well, I'm too slow to post before christmas, so it can't be helped~ ;-P

btw, I'll be going genting for christmas~ my 1st time haha ;-)

so, I'll say this in advance: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! XD

hope u get lots of presents~ ^^

EXAMS OVER!!!

finally, my exams are over, yay~ ;-D

but sadly, I didn't do well for the most impt paper, so I'm hoping & praying that I don't fail... >_<;
& after I finished that particular exam, I felt like crying, & I would if I could, but I guess I'm not that kind of person, cos I didn't...

anyway, to continue on a more happier note (correction: I know it should be happier without the "more", but I'm trying to emphasize here ;-P), since it's over, it's no use crying over spilt milk, so I shld juz enjoy wat little time I have as my holiday ^^;

u could say this is my t0-do list, but since it's holidays, the point is to do whatever you feel like doing at the spur of the moment... ^^

download (which is what I do nearly all the time anyway)
read comics (obviously, I'd like to enjoy what I download ;-P)
read storybooks (I only like reading fiction, unfortunately, & love stories at that)
read fanfiction (I'd have to search online for it though, which can sometimes be tiring)
watch TV (if I have time, cos there's a lotta dramas that I didn't get to watch since the beginning of this year)
chat on forums (I wanted to do this sometime during sept, now feel a bit lazy tho)

& yeah, tat's about it... actually, there are quite a lotta things I need to do in a detailed way, but I don't really wanna mention it, cos it's boring & probably only I will understand it... & what I wrote about is kinda what I want to do, not what I should do or have to do, those are different...

oh yeah, actually, blogging is another thing, but also feel lazy, & yet, now is the best time to blog about as many things as I want to say... ^^

so I hope I can blog as much as possible, considering the time I take to post sth... ^^;

which reminds me, that I wanted to mention this... although I said that I'll be sharing my opinions & whatnot, that actually included shows I watched, because that's one of the things where I can put up one or two pics hahahaha XP

because I like to talk about certain shows, especially when it made an impact on me, but normally, I tend to ponder about the show after watching it, so it shows what kind of ppl there are in this world, because a lotta ppl I know don't think about the show after watching it, which is kinda sad to me, but on the other hand, maybe they're not wasting their time by doing so, like me... hehe... ;-P

so, this is my starting post for my holiday... & we'll see how many things I can say during this short period of time hahahahahaha XP

juz a pic, or two

I love pics~ ^__^ well, generally speaking, that is... ;-)

which makes me feel that my blog may be a little... boring, you know? but there's no way I'm gonna put pics of my life (although I did consider it once), but I did call my own blog "secrets" for a reason, & basically, the reason why it may not be updated often is either because I'm lazy (which may be quite often), or that I don't really have any secrets to say, or rather no thoughts or opinion to share...

so, when thinking about it, what kinda pics would I be able to post if I'm only writing my thoughts or opinion? I couldn't think of anything...

& also, it sounds funny to say this, but I feel torn apart about putting up pics. am I putting pics I want ppl to see, or that I would want to see? it's hard to put up a pic to satisfy both, but I can't satisfy everybody who may be reading my blog, so it's kinda funny when I think about it that way ;-P

for example (cos this is the funniest thing I'm thinking of right now), if I were to put gay pics here, I can already hear someone saying "argh!!! you & your gay pics! you freak!" ^^; haha lol I think sometimes I do that juz to piss that person off hehe XP

so anyway, that may be why I'm hesitating to put pics on my blog, but also, as much as I like pics, I just don't feel like putting any pics for no reason cos I'll feel stupid T_T;

& these days I hardly seem to be saving any pics (maybe it's cos of the exams, so I can't fully enjoy myself online? hmm... ;-P) but today I saved this pic that was funny to me, or rather, amusing in a way, so I thought I'd put it up... ;-)

oh! after seeing this pic, I remembered that I must definitely put this one up, cos it's still the most cutest thing I have ever seen! XD

unfortunately for this pic, so far the comments were "slutty" or sth similar to that ^^;

PS: my school teacher (as in, secondary school) called me today... how nice of her~ ;-D
it's good to know once in a while that you are cared for... so if possible, you should call or sms or at least keep in contact with ppl whom you don't see often, unless of course you're not interested in keeping in touch... & btw, I'm not advertising for phones or anything like that ;-P

Eye contact... & relationships?

I have always had an eye contact problem since young, but now it's not so bad, & I don't think so much about it so then I won't really be self-conscious about it... ^^;

My problem was I couldn't stand it if people stared at me, or looked at me too long... I'll feel weird & awkward, & I'll find it hard to look at that person. Actually, a person shouldn't look too long at you anyway, so now that I think about it, I don't think it was a problem last time & it is quite a normal feeling & reaction if someone is staring at you.

I mean, unless you were playing a game or a staring competition, you don't just stare at someone without saying anything. Eye contact when you're talking to someone is good & all, but it's weird to just stare like that. & it's not only that I feel awkward, I also seem to feel scared (when there's no reason to feel that), & so I turn away whenever I feel frightened... ;-(

thank God that's all over now... ;-) I mean, I dun have that fear anymore even if it happens... ;-D

Anyway, I have a few stories (my experiences) to do with eye contact:

Story number 1
This was when I was 13 years old. At that time, I already knew that I didn't like eye contact for too long, & I realised that other people didn't have a problem with it, so I decided that I'll try to improve myself. So, this incident was in the airport in a certain country (can't remember which one T_T;). We were putting our luggage through for it to be scanned, & there was like a security guard watching over the process. & we caught eye contact, & I immediately looked away (bad reaction, & bad habit), so it could've stopped juz like that...

The thing is, I felt bad for doing that, & it juz happen that I remembered that I shouldn't be avoiding eye contact, so I looked back at him, & we caught eye contact again, & I smiled. He smiled back at me too, & then he patted my head, & I felt happy. Then, it seemed that my father saw what happened, cos later on he asked me about it (I can't remember exactly, but it seemed like he wasn't happy about the incident & very suspicious, I dunno why), & I think I tried to explain what I was trying to do, but I could tell he was displeased. At that age, I realised that it had to do with something about growing up, & the fact that I'm not a child anymore (even though they still say that I am), because it's not like someone patting my head is a new thing, it happens when you're a child too, so at that time, I found it strange that my father didn't approve of what happened. To me, it wasn't a big deal.

Story number 2
This was juz recently (as in, this year). It was also not a big deal, but it seems that whenever I think about eye contact & how much have I changed, something happens. Most probably I'm thinking too much about things that people would dismiss easily, but I can't help it. & it's only some things that I think about too much, others I dismiss easily too, so I should write down what actually affected me, rite? ^_^;

Anyway, what happened was, that day, I had met some old ex-schoolmates, & what pissed me off was that we didn't acknowledge each other... but I guess I'm being unfair to the other person as well, bcos although I expect the other person to acknowledge me, I should be the one acknowledging the person also, shouldn't I? I realised that sometimes our culture is like that, although it depends on the person also. Everyone is so scared of losing like an idiot & losing face that they will ignore someone they recognise instead of trying to be friendly. But, I didn't really like the person anyway, so maybe it's better we didn't acknowledge each other... T_T;

So, on the same day, I was cheering myself up & when I was quite happy at one point, I met someone else. It wasn't like there was many ppl around, so what happened was, I passed by this person, & I nearly acknowledged the person (I dunno what I was inclined to do, bow my head a bit or sth), but I didn't. At that time, I was also smiling, so I wasn't sure whether I was smiling at that person too or not... but, that person also looked familiar to me, so I was wondering whether we met at all.

The strange thing that I felt about it was that we were walking past each other, & we were staring at each other for quite a while, not looking away (& not blinking either). & only when we passed each other, did we break eye contact (cos it couldn't be helped). I really felt like looking back, but I didn't. The amusing thing that I was thinking of was maybe we were both blur (I realised that I have this tendency to look straight ahead of me, or juz staring at something without even realising what I'm looking at). XP

Story number 3
This is the most recent that I can remember, & sadly, this is gonna show partly what kind of a person I am *embarrassed*. It was afternoon, like lunchtime, & I was outside at a restaurant (the kind that has buffet). When coming in the place, I noticed there weren't many people, & although I wasn't really paying attention, I did realise that there was a table that was occupied.

Anyway, after we sat down, the person I was with suggested we look at the buffet, so went to look at the buffet. This is the crucial part. You see, that table was occupied by a man (well, he doesn't look that young, at least more than 20 years old), & actually, to be honest, I didn't want to eat buffet, but I juz went along with it juz to walk past him T_T;

haha cos what happened was when walking to our table at 1st, I could feel him staring at me (call me perasan or whatever, but it's juz my feelings), so cos I was curious, I decided to walk past him again to see whether he'd look. & he did! XP

anyway, it's no big deal, I must've been really bored or sth, so I was juz amusing myself... & throughout the lunch, I was trying to sneak peeks at him without making it obvious (cos he looked not bad, so I was curious about him) & guess what happens? His wife & child comes lol ^^;

his wife is quite pretty, & the child is quite cute too... ^^ but I suddenly had this thought in my mind (it's just a thought, ok, it couldn't be helped)...

how do ppl have affairs anyway? I mean, it's in a way one of the taboo things, & yet, there are so many cases all around the world! another common story, although not so common, is a teacher-student relationship... to be honest, I've always liked that kinda relationship (although I know a lot who don't), but that's only if they're still within a tolerable age gap... cos most of the time ppl who don't like the idea of seeing a teacher-student relationship is because of the age difference, & therefore it feels wrong... so it's obvious that they don't have to be a teacher or student, it could juz be the age gap problem...

but I think I like taboo relationships ^^; haha depends on how taboo it is, of course, I can't stand some stories that are really sick cos they seem to go beyond human morals T_T; but yeah, whether real life or story, it feels that the relationship between two ppl is so much stronger when they go through hardship together... but then again, I love happy stories with as little hardship as possible, so of course, the latter is better any time~ <3

but the reason why I was having that stupid thought about affairs (which I hardly think about, least of all when saying a married man) is because of the stupid show I saw the night before that... there was one part where the daughter was having an affair with a married man, & she got pregnant, & she wanted to abort the baby (I think in the end she didn't)... but I felt so irritated with her! why have a relationship, let alone sex, with someone who's already married, & is not interested in anything other than sex with you? so, I thought she was stupid, but ppl can be stupid sometimes (it's their nature) so it can't be helped... I mean, it's that feeling where you know it's wrong, but you still do it... so, I juz pity her, since she got involved in that...


also, it sounds strange to say this, but when you're looking at someone face-to-face, where exactly do you look? generally at their face, rite? at least, I think that should be the case...

the thing is, although I do that, sometimes, I try to look at a person properly (when I think of trying to have eye contact, that is), & when I do, I start having problems. As in, I wonder whether I'm really looking at the person or not, which shows that I shouldn't have thought about it, cos it makes me feel self-conscious.

you see, when I try to look at a person properly, I'll be thinking, "I should look at the eyes". But then, when I look at the eyes, I find it hard to look at both eyes at the same time. It's not easy trying to look with both of your eyes at both of the person's eyes, usually you tend to focus on one thing only.

haha I still find it funny realising this about myself though lol XP

PS: I still have exams next week, & I'm blogging!!! but then again, there are other classmates of mine who are still blogging, but well, I may not be as good as them ^^;

Banned

Since this Mon, I have been banned from using the house com & TV... T_T;

my father got angry, so he said that, & yeah, now I'm using the college com... ;-P
still not as nice as using the house com though, obviously... ;-(

anyway, wanna blog, but it's a bit harder now, so yeah, not sure when I'll blog again... ^^;;

feeling depressed too... ;-(

Morality

Moral test was held a few days ago... dunno whether passed or not, cos I hardly studied for it, but I think it should be ok... ^^;

but, I did read the textbook a bit, & I couldn't help thinking, if it was a subject that was considered important in our course, I might be more interested in it, but because it is a compulsory thing to take, no matter what course you're in, that irritates me, & that's why I never expected moral to be... not as boring as I expected... ;-P

the 1st thing you will see when you open the textbook is all about ethics, values & morals, the definitions... there are also quite a lot of theories in it, which could be quite interesting, cos they're quite philosophical...

the thing that irritated me at 1st was that the textbook was basically copying quotes mentioned from philosophers & showing both sides of an argument, & after that, giving a conclusion, mainly emphasising that "there is no right or wrong" or sth like that...

but there were some parts I liked, juz that now I can't really remember anymore, & I don't really want to look at the book again, so I'll try to say from what I remember...

hmm, I may be wrong, but there were some parts where it said something like, morality is how you look at it, there is no exact right or wrong (but there are a lot of quotes & what other people say, so there's 2 sides to the argument)... so, in the end, it doesn't really matter, juz do what you feel is right & stuff like that... of course, there are a lot of moral theories supposedly...

anyway, now having to study hard for the next exam, which is quite soon ;-(
life is so depressing at times... T_T;

Desktop Background

Subsequent to my bookmarks post, I decided to post my current background pic... XD

cos I keep on changing my current background normally, & once in a while, it'll stay a certain background for quite a while (cos it's soothing to look at, or I've got a soft spot for it), so this is the background that I'm not willing to change atm... ;-D

*sigh* I dunno why, but this pic always touches my heart... maybe it's because I know the character a bit (it's based on an anime), & it's not juz a drawing or face to me, but I wonder whether other ppl can see it as well... so, if you have any comments, juz tell me~ ^^

my sis commented that he looked a bit like Kim Jeong Hoon, who's a Korean actor, & I only know him from the drama Princess Hours, which my sis saw the cover of, & maybe a few more pics... she said that that it's that sad kind of smile which is kinda sweet... & I was so happy that she said that, bcos I felt the same way too~ ^__^ I guess sisters can be quite alike... XD

anyway, I googled his name & found 2 nice pics that remind me of my desktop background, & I think this was the pic that my sis was thinking about also... so, you can compare the similarities for yourself... ;-)

another pic which is obviously focusing on his face~

haha anyway, seems like the bookmarks post wasn't my last in a while, but ah well, it reminds me of when someone told me that it's better not to promise anything in case you can't fulfill it & you let the person you promised to down, & juz do whatever it is instead of promising, so the person will not expect it anyway... ;-)

Google bookmarks

Hmm, this will be my last post in a while, cos I think there’s not much time even if I wanted to blog already… T_T;

Haha anyway, let me juz blog about sth random today ^^

Cos karyn introduced me to google bookmarks, I got influenced & I think it’s very great & convenient etc… but, of course, I wouldn’t be influenced unless it was really good, or at least better than saving bookmarks on my com… ;-P

Anyway, I hope I’m not doing too much, but I have a lotta bookmarks there… it makes downloading easier too, but actually, I got that idea from karyn, so it shows how I can’t seem to think of such things… T_T;

So, I wanted to put the pic of juz how many bookmarks I have, but also, if you dun use google bookmarks, I recommend that you do… XD

But then again, I dun really like promoting stuff, unless I really liked it or sth, & it’s weird if I were to say that I liked google bookmarks that much.. XP

yup, that's about it... juz wanted to proudly show off how many links I have, although actually more than 50% are my download links... XD

The confession

Ok, here it is. The big confession.

Yeah, rite, who am I kidding? XP

It’s true that it might freak some ppl out, but I think it’s not such a big deal, since those who do know me know *ahem* my inclinations towards… certain things. Anyway, since it is a confession (but, it’s still hard for me to say it), I’m not really gonna beat around the bush anymore, so I’ll go directly to the point & say it (so, I’ll be making this post a lot shorter too).

Ok *takes deep breath* I can do this…

I

Like

To

…

…

…

Read

…

…

…

Argh! I can’t do it!

No, I can!

Fine, I’ll admit it!

I READ GAY COMICS!!!!

…

…

…

I finally said it, sth that I kept secret for more than 4 mths (ok, fine, there are secrets that I’ve kept for years, so dun think I can’t keep secrets ;-P)…

Did you fall off ur chair? Or maybe scream, “What the hell?” or sth like that? Some ppl would be freaked out over it (I can already think of a few)… haha, the good thing is that hopefully not many ppl I noe will read this post, so it’ll still be quite a secret haha lol XP

Haha maybe some ppl dun even know there are gay comics… I didn’t at first, but then again, I’m super blur about everything… ^^;

Anyway, do you know how frustrating it is to like sth & you juz wanna tell ppl how nice it is, or sth like that, but you have to refrain from mentioning it? It wasn’t my 1^st time feeling frustrated, but still… nobody likes being frustrated… (if you do, then I would call that a fetish)…

So yeah, those who know me may know that I like gay stuff but I dun think they’d expect me to read gay comics ^^;

Let me put up a few covers so you can see what I’ve been doing secretly for the past few months… hehehe… ;-P dun worry, though, it’s nth pornographic haha lol XP

WARNING: NOT MEANT FOR LITTLE CHILDREN

XP

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY CERTAIN MATERIAL, IT IS ADVISABLE THAT YOU DO NOT VIEW IT. LOL. HAHAHAHAHAHA

These were the few comics that I started off with, cos I was attracted by the cover… XD

& then I realized that they were by the same artist, which is why the drawings look super similar… ;-D that person is called chi-ran (I love her drawings~), as you can see on the cover (pls ignore any other words you might see in case it offends you XP)… & if you took my friends test, you would know that I did ask a question asking who’s my fav comic artist, but I didn’t put chi-ran there haha ;-P so, I’m not going to give any hints for that answer… but, in the choices there, some of the artists names there were the ones who draw the gay comics, so you wouldn't know whether my fav comic artist was someone who draw a straight comic or a gay comic... XP

*ahem* if you observe the covers, you would probably notice a similarity between them (or maybe it's juz me, looking at them too long XD)...

I juz needed to put this pic bcos although some ppl may find this pic a bit shocking, but this my very fav. gay comic... it was juz a short story, a oneshot, but I love it to bits... XD


actually, there are lots more, but I think I'd better stop putting pics... ^^;



Oh, & I wanted to mention this for quite some time, because I’ve been amused about it for a very long time… it’s about this pic:

You know, this pic is one of my most fav pics & I put it wherever I can, like in my handphone, on msn, & most of the forums that I was in, & none of my frens said anything about it, so I thought, they were probably thinking it was a normal pic when actually it wasn’t ;-D

So yeah, I feel like bursting out laughing saying this, but that pic… is actually a gay pic!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*ahem* ok, I finished laughing *coughlaughcough*

Hmm, actually, I think that’s about it, cos I really have no idea what else to say anymore… but, I do wanna post up again in a few days time, to put another meaningless post that I find amusing… no more big secrets though… XP

PS: suddenly I remembered one of the reasons why I was frustrated for keeping this secret for so long… it’s also about a comic that I read in a bookshop, & the thing is, there was only one volume, so after I finished reading it, I tried to search for it online, but I couldn’t find it at all, it was like it didn’t exist… then, juz lately, when browsing at the gay section (yes, the place I go to splits it into gay & straight, that kinda thing, cos obviously there are ppl who wouldn’t wanna read gay comics), I saw it! That exact comic!!! In the GAY section!!!!! XD XD

Obviously, I was super shocked, cos I didn’t even know it was classified as gay… but, I was obviously very happy to find one of the comics that captivated me last time, even though I forgot about it for quite some time… ;-P

& then, I realized it was gay because of the 2^nd volume that I hadn’t read yet… unfortunately, the 2^nd volume that I have is not translated, so obviously I didn’t read it… ;-( but, at least now I know it finishes at the 2^nd volume, so I’m waiting for someone to translate it… ^^ here’s the pic that caught my attention:

*sighs dreamily* lovely pic (to me, that is)… too bad if you don’t like cartoon drawings, cos I’ll be putting more up next time, when I’m in the mood, that is… ^__^

De-stress by comic relief

Hi~ ^__^

Actually, I wanted to blog only after exams (yes, I’m having exams this week & yet I’m still wasting time supposedly by blogging lol ;-P), but I promise this is a short post… actually, I wanted to post this before exams instead of during, but it won’t make much difference anyway, & it is supposed to be short… ^^;

This is juz to destress myself & put a pic (I love pics, but of course you can’t expect me to love pics that are… well, anyway everyone has different taste, so it’s better not to say anything ;-X) about studying… actually, it’s from a comic, & I laughed a lot when I saw it the 1^st time, so I guess it’s quite funny… ;-D

also, read it from left to right, up to down, in case you aren't doing so... or else you won't be reading the comic the rite way... ^^;

Btw, the girl's name is miyazawa... then, after that, she got all angry for letting him see sth so embarrassing as that lol XP

Cos in the story, she’s supposed to be sth like the typical smart, pretty, & good (or cool) girl & he’s juz like her, so they were sth like rivals (but actually that was only her point of view, cos he was never really competing with her in the 1^st place ;-P).

Hopefully, after exam (which ends on Thursday), I can blog a bit more, bcos there’s sth I’ve wanted to say for a long time, juz never got around to writing it, bcos it’ll be a longer post, & it’s sth that took me quite some time to prepare myself mentally to tell ppl… in other words, a confession… XD

I think it’s good to vent out ur feelings & all, & also, sort of not hide it, you know? As in, some ppl feel better after telling their probs (not that I’m having any probs that I wanna tell, or at least not major probs), so it applies in the same way of other things I guess, whether good or bad… as in, there’s sth that I’m not ashamed of admitting, so I was wondering, why am I kinda like keeping it a secret? It’s true that I dun really wanna shout it out from the rooftops, but on the other hand, I’m not ashamed of this… so yeah, wait for my next post~ XP

Ok, it wasn’t as short as I wanted it to be, but I’ll be stopping here anyway, whether I can say anything more or not, cos it was more for putting that pic anyway… ;-)

Public holidays & Sundays

Normally, ppl would obviously be happy when it’s a public holiday, cos then they’ll be like, “Yay, can sleep, can rest, can go out” & so on. Nobody would have to work or study on that day, except for those who willingly do it, & those who are probably working in certain jobs like restaurants, shopping malls, cinemas, & hospitals etc.

The thing is, I dun really like public holidays. Of course, I’d prefer a public holiday to a normal weekday, but to me, a public holiday is just like a Sunday, except for the fact that I dun need to go to church. To be honest, I dun wanna go to church, but my parents won’t let me not go, so I go not of my own free will. T_T;

So, to be honest, although since I was young, my least favourite day would be Monday, which is a least favourite day for most normal ppl, I think my least favourite day would be Sunday, which would be for around the same reasons that I dun like public holidays as much as I would have liked to.

Can you guess why?

This may make it seem like my life kinda revolves around this, which is half-true, but I dun wanna think of it that way. It all goes back to my father. Sometimes, I even wonder whether I count as someone that has been traumatized before, but most of the time, I just dismiss it as me being crazy as usual. ^^;

Since I was young, Sunday was a day where I’ll feel horribly trapped at home, even though we went to church & all. It’s like, if I dun study, I’ll get scolded, so I have to study. But, I really don’t want to study, so sometimes I tend to not focus on what I’m studying because I’m so reluctant to study. T_T;

Other than that, I guess Sunday was still ok for me other than the fact that I’m not free to do what I like… now, there’s not much difference, but I’m quite used to it, & it’s true that I do need to use that time to study.

Anyway, this is my 2^nd post where I wrote sth a little more unpleasant which involves my father, so I dun think I’ll be writing these kinda things for a while. That’s also bcos I feel like I’m showing my ugly, dark side, which may not be a good first impression, since these are still my first few posts… --"

But, it's true that I still feel depressed on Sundays normally, but that may be for a different reason... if you really wanna know, you might have to ask me personally, but it'll be hard for me to say it out... most ppl have no idea why though... ;-S

Hopefully, I’ll start thinking of more cheerful things to blog, but I dun think I’ll be able to blog for some time cos of studies, unless I have a death wish or sth… ^^;

Rush Hour 3

If you go to the movies with your friends (whether large crowd or not, up to you), what kind of friends would you go with? Unless you always go with the same people, it doesn’t mean you necessarily sit beside the same person (unless you’re a couple or sth, then you’d be weird not to).

So, my question is (this applies to comedy movies like Rush Hour 3): would you rather sit beside a person who makes comments once in a while throughout the show & laughs at the right time too, or one who prefers to see the show quite quietly (in respect of comments) but also laughs at the right time? The difference is whether you want someone to talk a bit with you throughout the movie or not… ^^;

For me, I’d prefer a person who comments more than one who doesn’t. That’s because it makes me feel that there’s a reason to watching the show with people rather than watching it alone. ;-)

Anyway, the point of this post is to put pics, since I love pics (especially eye candy). Of course, I have pics that are like eye cancer to me, but I always try my best to forget it… XP

So, the pic will be obviously about rush hour 3 (if not, I wouldn’t post it as my topic). The thing is, what or who will be in the pic? Hint: it’s a person, & it’s a he XP

Anyway, sad to say this, but I dun really like Jackie Chan (no offense, but when I say that, I mean his looks). Or the other guy that I dun even remember his name. Then, if you think about it, who could it be, rite?

Some people will think me crazy, but I’ll be comforted to know I’m not the only crazy person, since I managed to google these pics today, & I only kept two because it relates to rush hour 3, & because it looks better anyway XP

The person who I wanna talk about is…

…

…. T_T;

Hiroyuki Sanada

…

Did you fall off your chair? ;-P

Nvm, I dun wanna noe.,.. ;-P

Anyway, yeah, you heard me. The 1^st time I saw him, I thought, “Not bad.” Even though he was a bad guy, he was a new character, & it’s true that I felt that he didn’t look so bad, just not so tall (sadly, I dunno his height, so I might be wrong in my judgment ^^;). Maybe I saw things differently a bit, but if I had the show I would definitely cap some of his pics for fun ^^;

Although I wanted to show sth in my pics, but bcos my pics didn’t have what I wanted to show, I hope you don’t judge him based on the pics only, but then again, first appearances do matter a lot in life, so it’s up to you what you think of him…

Which comes to another thing about me; normally, probably due to my asian culture (haha, see I’m even blaming my own culture XP), I dun like to praise things much. Even of saying things like ‘excellent’, ‘wonderful’, ‘magnificent’, I tend to use phrases like ‘not bad’, ‘ok only’ & so on… you get the picture, right?

So, same goes for people, in terms of looks. Some people go “omg, that’s hot”, but maybe I dun feel the same way, or I just dun use the word ‘hot’ so often for people because I feel that then nearly everyone would be hot if we go by some people’s theory… T_T;

Anyway, why am I even delaying the pics display? XP

Sadly, the pics didn’t have what I wanted, but I still wanna post it anyway to make myself feel better ;-P

You should see his torso, but some people won’t like that idea, so that’s up to you… actually, I wanted a pic of that, but all the pics I saw were obviously with him clothed, which made me wonder where in the movie did I see his torso? *ahemexcusethewierdnessahem*

But, seriously, in terms of his body, I felt that he was quite fit, & I enjoyed watching him fight Jackie Chan (bad guys turn me on XD). Actually, it’s easy to appreciate the art of fighting and so on, but obviously, I’d prefer to watch good-looking guys do it rather than not. (haha lol) XP

Anyway, since I put the pics here already & I’m tired of writing, I’ll end it here. Au revoir (I hope I got it right) ^^;

Negative thoughts about my father

I feel that I should have written about this when I was angry & negative, because it’s not very good to store all those thoughts & feelings, especially when it all seems to be exploding in my head.

Anyway, lately my father has been irritating me a lot. This seems to be something quite normal, but this is my partly why I wanted to blog, which is to remember how I felt when these kinda things happened, even if to others, it may seem unpleasant, spoilt, or unreasonable. Maybe that’s human nature. But anyway, another reason why I blog it is because these may be things that I would like to retort to my father, but I simply don’t dare for fear that he beats me up or that I may get kicked out of the house or disinherited (I cannot afford to lose all that money, though you may think this very money minded & cold hearted of me).

Most people say things that they don’t mean because of their emotions, & I may be one of them. But, I’d rather write down what I felt at that time, because it matters what someone’s opinion is when something happens to cause it. If you don’t understand what I’m trying to say, I don’t blame you because I feel really messed-up myself.

The point is, although I may really wanna say something like “I hate my father a lot”, but I try my best to refrain from it because it’s most probably not true, or rather, some people may call this a love-hate relationship, which is actually very dangerous.

So, instead of making general statements like that, I’m going to comment specifically on certain things that have made me angry. I also realized that most of the time when my father scolds me (he scolds a lot normally, but it gradually decreased over the years), I usually feel angry rather than sad. Maybe it’s because I feel it’s not justified, because he does seem to scold for no reason on a lot of occasions, but it may not be. I leave it to you to judge. Some people may probably be thinking I’m so ungrateful for not appreciating my parents and stuff, but since I didn’t say that at all, let’s juz say that I call this making myself feel better by saying as much bad things about him as possible and trying to point out all his faults because of what he did. Of course, the reason why I normally don’t write anything in the end is because he manages to show he’s sorry for how he behaved (although he never says sorry), and the anger somehow fades away, which also irritates me, and that’s why this post is not good. You have been warned, so if you’re not interested, you can stop reading here.

It’s like, I feel I can go on and on to release the steam, but my thoughts feel really disorganized because I just keep on writing and writing, and I don’t seem to run out on things to say.

But, anyway, let’s get back to the main point, which is what I want to say about him, or rather, what happened lately.

…

It may sound quite rude of me, but what happened was he scolded me for messing with my handphone at dinner time. Normally, I hardly use my handphone, especially when at meal time, but this time, I didn’t think he’d mind. But he did. And he started scolding severely about manners and stuff, & I dun wanna quote him, so all I can say is that he was rude as usual, since he’s so good at that.

Something else that keeps on happening lately is that when talking to him, normally about something to do with the computer or the internet, he’ll always say something like “You don’t know anything at all” or “That just shows how much you don’t know” or sth very similar in a certain superior tone of his which always pisses me off, but I dun retaliate. I couldn’t help thinking, what’s the point in saying sth like that? And, although I must admit that he is quite capable most of the time, he’s not God or a computer expert, but he thinks he knows so much. To shorten what I just said, he’s arrogant and egoistic.

And, it reminds me of sth he always wants to say in public about me. He always likes to say “You always believe your friends in everything you say, but if we (as in, family, parents) say it, you won’t believe us. If someone suggested and said sth is great, you’ll think it’s great too.” Of course, I’ll be more inclined to think it’s great. Someone who always says “you don’t know anything” and ends it that way without suggesting anything, who will believe him? It’s like, all he does is make cutting remarks, so what else can I do but to solve my problems or find out certain things elsewhere? Even if he does know the information or solution, he doesn’t tell me, so of course I’d rather believe my friends.

I’m not saying that friends above family and whatnot, it’s just that I feel that in certain aspects, friends are certainly better. It sounds kinda sad to say this, because I have been betrayed by friends a lot before, but in terms of comfort and support, I think friends are most of the time better. My father will lecture and scold and not support me at all, which is kinda sad, but he has his good ways (but I dun feel like mentioning them now).

Actually, to be honest, normally, after he scolds, things get awkward and stuff, but he expects it to be alright after scolding me. So, after many years, I finally learned to act like nothing at all after the scolding (since he expects me to be cheerful all the time, I have to act that way). But, I remember quite a few bad experiences of not managing to act it out, which I will refrain from going into details. The point is, the worst thing that could happen is that he will beat me, but now that I’m not so young anymore, he doesn’t do it anymore.

Which reminds me, last time when I was young, I used to ask my friends this question. You see, my parents are quite strict, but my mother was nicer about it (she’s like an angel to me ;-D) whereas my father was just very strict. I mean, I remember a lotta happy memories that seemed to happen where he’s put a lotta effort and time into spending time with us (me and my sis & bro) and entertaining us as kids, and basically playing with us. But, they all seem to be clouded by the memories of when my father wasn’t so nice to me (physically & verbally) because I didn’t manage to obey him (last time, I had this problem of taking too long to eat, so I’d get punished for that) or for no reason, especially when he was bad tempered. So, I’d ask my friends this: Would you prefer parents who’d be willing to give you anything (in terms of material, but of course as long as it’s still reasonable) but not giving you freedom (this is normally the case of going out with friends) or rather, having a lot of rules (not so lenient) and you may be scolded for no reason, compared to parents who’d be quite strict in terms of material (as in, they’re more unwilling to get anything for you because it’s not a special occasion or sth like that), but they’re more lenient, & when they scold, it’s more like nagging or lecturing a bit, and it’s hardly physical punishment?

Most people choose the latter, but I feel that that’s because their parents are like that anyway, and my close friends who’d compare me to them didn’t like what they heard about my father. But, anyway, that’s all in the past. I have pretty much gotten used to this life, and I feel more spoilt than ever. Cos I know how to disobey without being found out and so on, it’s pretty much become a habit in certain ways. Oh, and that’s partly why lying is a part of my life (but I shouldn’t say this, because ppl hate liars, & I may be turning people away by saying this).

Anyway, my father is quite childish, & similar to me, which may be why we do not get along well. Plus, there’s his blame personality. Normally, whatever’s to do with the TV or computer, he’d blame me. But, maybe because I’m always in his presence, he picks on me because I’m there. Maybe if it was my sis or my bro, he’d blame them, but I dun think so. Once he thinks that you’re most likely the culprit, he’ll always blame you after that (this case normally applies in terms of the person more related to the source of blame, especially in the past).

So, I’ve written a lot to remind me of what I thought of my father whenever I’m angry, but most of these thoughts seem to be from last time, which goes to show that a lot of my feelings haven’t changed, unless it may mean that I didn’t grow up. But, I do realize that parents normally have forgotten a lot of feelings of their childhood and so on, which is such a pity for them.

It’s like, I cling to these feelings because I dun wanna be entirely immune to my parents, but I feel like I’m already becoming immune to them. If they tried to teach me anything now, or advise me on impt matters, I doubt if I’ll be able to listen to them if I already made up my mind. But then again, that’s me, and I know that I have a lot of different and conflicting opinions and beliefs now which I know my parents will obviously disapprove, so why bother mentioning it to them? It will only create more trouble for me.

I think I’d better stop here, but if I were someone else, I definitely wouldn’t wanna read about a person complaining about their parents because it’s not nice, so I feel a bit bad if people were to read this. But then again, there may be some people who like reading this kinda stuff. I mean, I like reading romance most of the time, and I hate reading sad stuff or conflicts or sufferings, but a lot of people like it, or at least don’t mind it.

At least I wrote sth negative. I was starting to feel a bit weird, juz writing about meaningless stuff (to me, that is), when what I wanted to write when I started to blog was all these kinda stupid incidents and how I felt about it.

Hopefully, next time will be a better post. ^^;