I'm not blogging till after exams T____T which is actually 16 days from now *dies*

What I wanted to post, but didn't post, last week...

I've been neglecting my blog lately ;-( because of some intensive classes during last week & weekend till this week, so I haven't had the time nor the strength to blog. Actually, I did want to blog, but got distracted (it's ps fault), so fine, it's not that I couldn't blog. Although it's true that with all this studying & revising, nothing else comes to mind except studies-related stuff.

Actually, not true again. There were thoughts that went through my mind, & disappeared as abruptly as they came. But even if I could remember them, I didn't think they were very interesting, although who said a blog needs to be interesting anyway.

... & that's where I stopped, & didn't write anymore haih. It's sad when something sucks you dry & leaves you feeling totally empty somehow. I didn't use the computer at all last week, so you could say I was trying to get rid of my distractions, but it didn't work that well either.

I got sick <------ just an update if anyone's interested. I'm still coughing even now T________T

I was gonna post some stuff that isn't original but easier for me to post, things that I like & wanted to share with others, then I changed my mind cos it was wasting time, but now I changed my mind again lol

I'm posting it in the next post, just because I want to give a special title for it, hehe XDD

... as in, next post, the post below this post, because if I put it in the next post on top of this post, some ppl wouldn't see this post, & then it'd be like, why am I writing this anyway? on the other hand, why are people reading this anyway. so yeah, just close this page & do something more fun, that's what you should do.

Another thing that pisses me off

Today I want to rant about my brother. I've never done that before, right? Well, that's because I always feel like a bitch when I do that, but seriously, he's damn annoying. It's like, he brings out the worst in me at times. The men in my family are very capable of doing that.

I also wanted to record what happened, to show what an inconsiderate jerk my brother is, but then I realised that it'd be better if I didn't actually reveal the details of the situation for my own sake more than his, so I have to give a hypothetical situation instead (trying to pertain to the real story as much as possible), so you'd have to forgive me if it isn't as accurate, or rather, if he doesn't seem as inconsiderate & selfish as he really is.

Ok, what happened has to do with the Internet, so I'll just tell a situation that has happened before (just that it didn't make me as angry & upset compared to what really just happened). I just asked for his help to download something? Of course he didn't bother with me. No, one favour is too much too ask, I'm sure.

I know that when people share computers, & the Internet & all that, we have to be tolerant, inconsiderate, bla bla bla. & yes, probably if you knew the full story, you'd be saying that I'm selfish & inconsiderate also (what my father said), but I don't see in what way am I selfish, since I helped if there were any favours anyway.

& this situation is a bit different from downloading, because he didn't have to do a damn thing! He just needed to be patient for a little while, but even that he couldn't do! & he complained that I jammed up the comp because of the program that was running, without even considering how much his stupid game site jammed up the comp in the first place! A classic example of unreasonable people with their irrational thinking.

Anyway, I don't really have much heart to drag this on (it seems that I'm unable to be as long-winded as I once was). That was basically what happened, & I was quite affected by it. & there're lots of other things about him (obviously) that have pissed me off, but I feel it clashing with my blogging ethics (huh, it's funny that I have any) about posting stuff that is considered private (like all these bloody family issues or political issues or religion issues).

So it's better that I stop now before too much damage is done. I guess I wouldn't like to hurt people's feelings? But sometimes they damn deserve it. & my dad has made me happy & also not happy at times, so I feel like I'm in a love-hate relationship with him, but can't help that. What I said in the post about him was also true though, so I'm leaving it for public viewing.

Tolerance

I envy people who are not sensitive sleepers. Because I am quite sensitive, & what I hate are certain noises waking me up >_> & I'm feeling particularly grumpy (what my family usually calls me), so you should be able to guess what happened

A good example is the dog next door. My room is sorta right next to it compared to the other rooms in the house. & I dunno what is wrong with the dog, but he tends to bark in the middle of the night. I'm not sure how often he barks because I don't wake up every single night because of his barking, but there are times when I do wake up & am unable to sleep because of him. It's probably the only time when I have this deep desire/urge to KILL HIM T_T or at least, injure him to the extent that he wouldn' t be able to make any sound for the rest of his life ^__^ I hope that didn't freak anyone out, but this is preparing you for future violent posts of my (supposedly) dark thoughts.

When I complained about being woken up to my mum, she started talking about adapting & crap like that. She's always very good at annoying me, especially when I'm in this kinda mood. It's even more annoying, making it sound as though it is so easy when it's not, & I've already adapted from not being able to sleep with the light on to able to sleep as long as I cover my eyes kinda thing, but I'm still pretty sensitive in terms of noise.

Probably what's more annoying is that, I've changed. Thinking about myself, I know I was a spoilt brat & I wouldn't be offended or upset if I was still called a spoilt brat now (unless it was unjustified & assumed by some idiots who are very good at jumping to conclusions), but seriously, I've changed since last time. & it was because of my friends, not because of my family. Sad rite?

& I think I mentioned it before, that my family didn't seem to notice. Well, too bad for them. I just feel so frustrated sometimes that I'd want to shout it out, that I'm not like that anymore. But since they assumed, & their eyes aren't opened to see it, I can only hope that they realise it one day, somehow. Although I doubt that it's ever going to happen, but I don't really give a damn anymore.

Actually, this was one of the reasons why I started blogging. Not because I'd want other people to know something that even my own family doesn't (because that's my family's main opinion about bloggers), but because I wanna complain (which actually I do in private in my own diary manually) about these kinda things & they don't seem to want to know about me anyway, so I'm just sharing my feelings with other people. & also hope that they relate to me. But even if nobody is able to relate to me, it's fine because everyone is different in some way or other, so it's not surprising to have different problems. But I do know that I share a lotta similar problems with other people, & it does feel better to let it all out, so this could also encourage other people to blog emo posts like me lol. I hardly blog emo posts anyway, so I don't see why anyone should be tired of seeing my emo posts. & if you're tired, don't read. Simple.

Going back to the topic of sleeping, supposedly adapting means you WILL be able to sleep even though you couldn't previously (my mum didn't even mention show, she just said adapt). Maybe my mind is not open either, but telling that to me does not help me adapt in any way, & actually, I've heard her say it before, many times last time, I just forgot all about it till just now, since it's been a long time since I actually expressed my frustrations in tolerating something like this

My conclusion: Don't bother talking to someone about something if it is sure to annoy you. In some cases, it's better not to talk about it as well.

Taste - matter of opinion

Also, I dunno how many ppl are like me in this way, but if I liked a song a lot, I’d want to share it. I’d want other ppl to listen to it, & hope that they like it too. Unfortunately, it seems that either the songs I like are really not that great, or that I’m living with the wrong ppl, because nobody seems to particularly like them the way I do. The only ppl who I can find, & I did (starting from 2006, which was 3 years after that), was online, & that’s about it. Still, it made me happy to know that many other ppl like those songs as well as me, & it was a nice feeling.

Still, I dunno why, sometimes I feel the need to share the song with someone whom I know offline, but I’ve pretty much given up at that, because nobody’s really interested to listen, & nobody shares that particular interest with me T_T

So, the reason why I’m blogging this is because I wanna say sth, but also because I decided to keep the happiness of listening to the songs by myself. As in, although I may feel that it’s selfish or sth like that, it’s not really so because other ppl that I know wouldn’t appreciate them anyway, so what for put the effort of sharing?

It’s like, my dad said sth recently, which made me realise something which I didn’t like. I forgot what I did, but it was to do with a song, & I asked him how is it, & he asked why. & I was saying, no particular reason, but he didn’t believe me, & maybe it was because of the way I asked, but he was in that mood anyway (the kinda mood that’s analysing ppl more than usual), so he was saying that there could be a few reasons, but one of them is as though I want his approval. & that didn’t sound very nice. But I had this horrid feeling it was true, even though I denied it outright. It feels kinda pathetic to want his approval, after all his years, that I’d want him to say that the song is nice, or that my taste is not bad, or sth similar. So because I realised it, I must stop doing that kinda thing ^^;

Another thing that happened recently, which is actually the main point of this blog, because it’s the reason I wanted to blog this, is because there was someone close to me that always listened to my songs. You see, I asked her, whether she’d be ok listening to my songs, & she said she won’t mind, as long as they’re not noisy (because the kinda songs I like listening to are quite noisy, but not all of them).

So I’d let her listen to them, & most of the time she wouldn’t say anything about them, but sometimes she’d comment that they’re quite nice, or not bad, & that made me very happy. & I’d try to let her listen to those songs that I liked that may be similar to the ones she commented, if she liked the same style.

But she hurt my feelings recently, & it’s been a long time since I’ve been hurt so badly that I feel I’m still recovering, but at least I’m half glad that happened, because she was saying how she felt, & I’m glad she told me the truth even though she hid it for so long, & I was determined to never make her listen to my songs ever again, although that didn’t actually happen because it’s hard to break habits, but it is sort of being broken, because she hasn’t listened to my songs much after that, just once or twice. & when I think of letting her hear my songs, I can’t help remembering what she said.

Anyway, what happened was, I was letting her listen to some songs, & I was like, “Not bad, rite?” in a very happy way. & she said not bad, much better than some songs I let her hear last time which were really horrible. & when she said that, I wasn’t too happy, but I wanted to know which songs they were (& I was trying to guess), but obviously she didn’t remember cos she doesn’t pay that much attention to my songs anway, but she said that they were really horrible & tuneless, & also all noise sometimes (which may be true, but not in my opinion), & she said that at those times, or last time, she couldn’t help feeling that my dad was right, & that I really don’t have any taste in music (yes, he really said that to me).

So I couldn’t help feeling, why didn’t she tell me at that time when I was playing the songs that they were horrible, or that she didn’t like them? If she said that, I would’ve stopped playing it, & changed songs, & it’s not like it’d hurt my feelings. & now only she says all this, when she’s been listening to my songs all this while. If she said it earlier, I wouldn’t have bothered her with my lousy songs anymore. What really hurt my feelings is that she said I have no taste. That made me very angry also at the same time. I mean, think of someone saying to you, “You have no taste.” It’s like saying that you have no taste in clothes, or something like that. Guys may not make a big deal of that, but it’s just an example, the matter of taste can be applied to a lotta other things. I can’t help thinking of the “no taste in guys/girls” just because you say you like someone, but it may still not apply to some ppl ^^;

Anyway, I hope you get my point. Taste is a matter of opinion. So I’ll keep my opinion to myself about my songs (I always have anyway, just not to her, so at least now I know). & I hope you know that some things said can hurt ppl a lot, without you realising it, but you should know that, because that’s normal. The only problem is knowing what would hurt other ppl’s feelings, because this may not have hurt other ppl, but it hurt me.

Also, some things I said in the beginning of the post may not have seemed relevant to you, but it was relevant enough to me, & this may sound weird, but I feel that every sentence I said, has a meaning, in a way. That’d show what kind of a person I am, or sth like that. & if you didn’t really see any meaning to it, it’s ok, it doesn’t really matter, so you don’t have to crack your head finding a meaning for each sentence. But maybe I’ve been trying to analyse ppl too much, but the reason why ppl say or do things normally have a meaning. If they don’t know why they said or do that, then that means they either don’t know themselves very well, or there really isn’t a meaning for some things, & they can just pass you by. But maybe I’m just oversensitive, but it’s not like I really ask someone after every single sentence what they really meant by that (which is what my dad did to me sometimes, & it’s quite irritating trying to give him a reason, & him arguing about it).

I’d like to give an example for that, but none come to my mind atm, & I’d like to give a good example that isn’t negative & mean, so if I remember a good one, I’ll blog about it next time, since this can be quite an interesting topic.

Anyway, I wrote quite long this time, but it’s ok, since my exams ended & I should have the time after the exam to relax & write something, but I’m sorry that this is not a happy post, but that’s life, & I want to write a not happy post once in a long while, just to show that I’m human, & that I’m obviously not happy all the time, but it’s funny that I’m writing this, since it happened over a month ago, but it’s just that I decided to write this, so that’s why I didn’t forget about it. But I realised that writing this kinda post is not good, especially when you weren’t in the mood to write it, because it’d affect your mood after that ^^;

& altho my topic is about matter of taste, I was thinking that I was only thinking about music, & even then, there were a lotta things to say... but the only other topic I could think about was taste in guys, & I don't wanna go into that lol ;-P

also, I'll be going to Singapore! XD for 3 days, coming back on monday~ it's been so long since I've been to singapore, last time was probably when I was a baby... ^^; so, am a bit excited hahaha ;-)

Rant

hi, I'm late, again ^^; as in, I meant to post earlier, but kept on delaying, & no, I'm not doing the tag today, but I still wanted to show my sort-of enthusiasm or liking in blogging, so here I am. You see, the tag needs pictures, & well, I still don't have them atm, & so I'm slowly trying to collect those stupid pictures, but I really want nice pictures! & they're not easy to get, based on my standards (lol ;-P), so if I'm really fed up, I'll just post the pics, & state that it's not as nice as it could be ^^;

Today's topic may be a bit boring though... after all, it's a rant (which, to be honest, I still don't really know what it mean, so I hope my interpretation of the word is correct).

Basically, what I'm gonna do is talk about my problems atm, but more in a complaining way. ^^; Normally, I don't like to do this, but I have felt stressed lately, & I thought I'd post this (actually, I was so frustrated that I really wanted to vent my frustration by writing all my feelings out, but I was so slow in actually getting to the writing that my urge to do it went away, but what the heck, I'm still writing it ;-P probably with less feeling than I wanted though, but at least my head is clear).

So if you're not interested in reading someone else complaining about their own life, then it's better that you don't read this.

Well, let me rant about the normal, or rather, more common thing first. My internal exam. Anyway, to be honest, what I didn't really tell anybody was how horrible I felt after my exam. >_<; Seriously, usually I'm not the kind of person who'd be affected by exams, or rather, my own performance in the exam because my principle is "what's past is past. no point crying over spilt milk." Which I do, actually, just not over spilt milk, but you get my point lol. Anyway, yeah, I felt really horrible, but it was super hard to tell anybody about it, because I'm so used to seeing other ppl moan about how badly they did, & I'd usually be listening to it, so after all that, I really didn't want to be one of the "moaning ppl" ^^;. But I really wanted to moan at that time, so I felt quite pathetic & worthless.

Also, another big reason why I didn't want to moan, which is also why I don't want to be one of the moaning ppl, & which also relates to my principle, is really because there is no point in repeating yourself about the same old thing, but that shows how strong our feelings are, I guess. Which is why, I realise, humans tend to repeat themselves. Most of the humans anyway, that I meet. Even I do it, & so I realise that I actually like to repeat saying certain things, but these are usually happy things, or funny things. Other ppl may repeat different things. I wouldnt' mind giving examples, but there are too many examples, so I feel it's better if you actually think about it yourself & see whether ppl actually do that, unless you know about it already, then congratulatons! I'm proud of you~ ^__^

The main thing that I wanted to rant about though, is the less normal thing, or rather, a problem not many people should be experiencing (at least, not the ppl I know) but it's a trivial matter, which is why I never really bothered to mention it. Anyway, I don't tell many ppl about this, but I always seem to have around 50GB on the com. yup, seriously, it's 50 friggin' GB!!! If you dare say it's not a big deal, I will try my best to put all the stuff on your com & see whether your com lasts with all that space of stuff. T_T; I mean, I normally can't help wondering where it all comes from. Then, after checking, I'll be thinking, "Oh, rite, this 10GB is from here, that 15GB is from there," & it kinda adds up. But I've been burning & burning & still it's around there. Obviously, I download too much but I really don't wanna stop downloading. Maybe I'm not so good at compiling stuff to burn, which shows just how obsessive-compulsive I am, because I like things to be as perfect as possible, which most of the time they're not, but it's not totally imperfect. I do sort of plan what I want to burn when I download it. There just seem to be a lot of potential stuff that I want to burn, but they're just incomplete, which is actually my problem, I think.

Anyway, the latest thing that happened, which may be amusing, is that I realised I had 50GB (again) on my com, so I decided to burn, & I saw 2 potential dvds I could burn (it's like, "What, only 2?!?" lol). So, I started actually d/ling to burn those 2 dvds, & guess what? When I finally burned it, & checked the folder I have, it was 49GB... I was like, "WTH?!?!?" So I was trying to figure out why 2 dvds, which shld be 7-8GB burned off (& deleted obviously from the com) result in only 1 GB or so difference from before I burned. Then, I realised that I downloaded so much during the past week (including the stuff that I burned) that it actually came up to that amt, & I was kinda back to where I started. Well, not really, cos if you think about it, I have more than previously, with what I downloaded, but back to where I started in the sense that I made no progress in trying to clear space on the com.

Actually, I think that I wouldn't care so much about all that space if my dad wasn't nagging me about it, but he doesn't always nag me about it, & yet it feels like a problem for me because of the fact that he does nag, & it's still often enough to make me feel that our computer is in danger, or being slow, or lagging, just because of all my stuff. So, it may be a good thing that he's nagging me, because then I'll do sth about it (or at least try to), but I feel so stupid at times to get stressed or feel pressured about these kinda things >_>

Anyway, before I start repeating myself, & ranting some more, I thought I'd end it here, because although I'd like to moan & complain more (I got in the mood again haha), it's just that I can't help feeling it's boring (to read), & I still don't like the fact that I'm moaning, although at least I finally did it, & it's in writing! XD so that's my evidence that I grumbled lol ^^

Besides, I think I wrote a lot, but I am long-winded, so maybe that's why I delay so much at blogging, cos I knew I can't help going on & on ^^;

So, anyway, I thought I'd end with a pic, but it's not a great pic, just more of evidence haha.

As you can see, it's less than 50GB by a bit, but that's because I burned another dvd after that & also 3 cds at least, so it should be less than 50, but... still not much difference. ^^;

Btw, the things I wanted to write more about, were actually the details of where all that 50GB came from, but I thought that would be also quite boring, & it would take more effort on my part, because I'd be putting more pics here ^^;

But seriously, when I was thinking about all the stuff I burned, I can't help thinking that I burned at least 50 GB over the past year, which shows just how much I have downloaded since last year when I got the unlimited connection. O_O

I'll just say this, though, although I know I shouldn't, but it'll make me happy, so please don't mind me. My gay comics, which I started downloading since last year, are around 20GB! XD XD & still more to come~ (btw, the 20GB is not included in the 50GB, cos I burned at least 12GB & deleted it already, so 20GB is like the total of all that I have) ^__^ & I found out that someone else has 32GB of gay comics, so I was thinking, "Haha, I've still got a long way to go lol" XP

& now I'm tired, so I'll go to sleep~ *__*

PS: If you noticed, I did repeat myself in a way, as in, one of the things about me is that I tend to overuse a number of words, & I am predictable in that way (close friends who hang out with me all the time normally notice this, you see, & tease me about it). So, you may have spotted it, which I wouldn't be surprised, but if you didn't, then that makes me happy, but see whether you can or not! XP

Banned

Since this Mon, I have been banned from using the house com & TV... T_T;

my father got angry, so he said that, & yeah, now I'm using the college com... ;-P
still not as nice as using the house com though, obviously... ;-(

anyway, wanna blog, but it's a bit harder now, so yeah, not sure when I'll blog again... ^^;;

feeling depressed too... ;-(

Negative thoughts about my father

I feel that I should have written about this when I was angry & negative, because it’s not very good to store all those thoughts & feelings, especially when it all seems to be exploding in my head.

Anyway, lately my father has been irritating me a lot. This seems to be something quite normal, but this is my partly why I wanted to blog, which is to remember how I felt when these kinda things happened, even if to others, it may seem unpleasant, spoilt, or unreasonable. Maybe that’s human nature. But anyway, another reason why I blog it is because these may be things that I would like to retort to my father, but I simply don’t dare for fear that he beats me up or that I may get kicked out of the house or disinherited (I cannot afford to lose all that money, though you may think this very money minded & cold hearted of me).

Most people say things that they don’t mean because of their emotions, & I may be one of them. But, I’d rather write down what I felt at that time, because it matters what someone’s opinion is when something happens to cause it. If you don’t understand what I’m trying to say, I don’t blame you because I feel really messed-up myself.

The point is, although I may really wanna say something like “I hate my father a lot”, but I try my best to refrain from it because it’s most probably not true, or rather, some people may call this a love-hate relationship, which is actually very dangerous.

So, instead of making general statements like that, I’m going to comment specifically on certain things that have made me angry. I also realized that most of the time when my father scolds me (he scolds a lot normally, but it gradually decreased over the years), I usually feel angry rather than sad. Maybe it’s because I feel it’s not justified, because he does seem to scold for no reason on a lot of occasions, but it may not be. I leave it to you to judge. Some people may probably be thinking I’m so ungrateful for not appreciating my parents and stuff, but since I didn’t say that at all, let’s juz say that I call this making myself feel better by saying as much bad things about him as possible and trying to point out all his faults because of what he did. Of course, the reason why I normally don’t write anything in the end is because he manages to show he’s sorry for how he behaved (although he never says sorry), and the anger somehow fades away, which also irritates me, and that’s why this post is not good. You have been warned, so if you’re not interested, you can stop reading here.

It’s like, I feel I can go on and on to release the steam, but my thoughts feel really disorganized because I just keep on writing and writing, and I don’t seem to run out on things to say.

But, anyway, let’s get back to the main point, which is what I want to say about him, or rather, what happened lately.

…

It may sound quite rude of me, but what happened was he scolded me for messing with my handphone at dinner time. Normally, I hardly use my handphone, especially when at meal time, but this time, I didn’t think he’d mind. But he did. And he started scolding severely about manners and stuff, & I dun wanna quote him, so all I can say is that he was rude as usual, since he’s so good at that.

Something else that keeps on happening lately is that when talking to him, normally about something to do with the computer or the internet, he’ll always say something like “You don’t know anything at all” or “That just shows how much you don’t know” or sth very similar in a certain superior tone of his which always pisses me off, but I dun retaliate. I couldn’t help thinking, what’s the point in saying sth like that? And, although I must admit that he is quite capable most of the time, he’s not God or a computer expert, but he thinks he knows so much. To shorten what I just said, he’s arrogant and egoistic.

And, it reminds me of sth he always wants to say in public about me. He always likes to say “You always believe your friends in everything you say, but if we (as in, family, parents) say it, you won’t believe us. If someone suggested and said sth is great, you’ll think it’s great too.” Of course, I’ll be more inclined to think it’s great. Someone who always says “you don’t know anything” and ends it that way without suggesting anything, who will believe him? It’s like, all he does is make cutting remarks, so what else can I do but to solve my problems or find out certain things elsewhere? Even if he does know the information or solution, he doesn’t tell me, so of course I’d rather believe my friends.

I’m not saying that friends above family and whatnot, it’s just that I feel that in certain aspects, friends are certainly better. It sounds kinda sad to say this, because I have been betrayed by friends a lot before, but in terms of comfort and support, I think friends are most of the time better. My father will lecture and scold and not support me at all, which is kinda sad, but he has his good ways (but I dun feel like mentioning them now).

Actually, to be honest, normally, after he scolds, things get awkward and stuff, but he expects it to be alright after scolding me. So, after many years, I finally learned to act like nothing at all after the scolding (since he expects me to be cheerful all the time, I have to act that way). But, I remember quite a few bad experiences of not managing to act it out, which I will refrain from going into details. The point is, the worst thing that could happen is that he will beat me, but now that I’m not so young anymore, he doesn’t do it anymore.

Which reminds me, last time when I was young, I used to ask my friends this question. You see, my parents are quite strict, but my mother was nicer about it (she’s like an angel to me ;-D) whereas my father was just very strict. I mean, I remember a lotta happy memories that seemed to happen where he’s put a lotta effort and time into spending time with us (me and my sis & bro) and entertaining us as kids, and basically playing with us. But, they all seem to be clouded by the memories of when my father wasn’t so nice to me (physically & verbally) because I didn’t manage to obey him (last time, I had this problem of taking too long to eat, so I’d get punished for that) or for no reason, especially when he was bad tempered. So, I’d ask my friends this: Would you prefer parents who’d be willing to give you anything (in terms of material, but of course as long as it’s still reasonable) but not giving you freedom (this is normally the case of going out with friends) or rather, having a lot of rules (not so lenient) and you may be scolded for no reason, compared to parents who’d be quite strict in terms of material (as in, they’re more unwilling to get anything for you because it’s not a special occasion or sth like that), but they’re more lenient, & when they scold, it’s more like nagging or lecturing a bit, and it’s hardly physical punishment?

Most people choose the latter, but I feel that that’s because their parents are like that anyway, and my close friends who’d compare me to them didn’t like what they heard about my father. But, anyway, that’s all in the past. I have pretty much gotten used to this life, and I feel more spoilt than ever. Cos I know how to disobey without being found out and so on, it’s pretty much become a habit in certain ways. Oh, and that’s partly why lying is a part of my life (but I shouldn’t say this, because ppl hate liars, & I may be turning people away by saying this).

Anyway, my father is quite childish, & similar to me, which may be why we do not get along well. Plus, there’s his blame personality. Normally, whatever’s to do with the TV or computer, he’d blame me. But, maybe because I’m always in his presence, he picks on me because I’m there. Maybe if it was my sis or my bro, he’d blame them, but I dun think so. Once he thinks that you’re most likely the culprit, he’ll always blame you after that (this case normally applies in terms of the person more related to the source of blame, especially in the past).

So, I’ve written a lot to remind me of what I thought of my father whenever I’m angry, but most of these thoughts seem to be from last time, which goes to show that a lot of my feelings haven’t changed, unless it may mean that I didn’t grow up. But, I do realize that parents normally have forgotten a lot of feelings of their childhood and so on, which is such a pity for them.

It’s like, I cling to these feelings because I dun wanna be entirely immune to my parents, but I feel like I’m already becoming immune to them. If they tried to teach me anything now, or advise me on impt matters, I doubt if I’ll be able to listen to them if I already made up my mind. But then again, that’s me, and I know that I have a lot of different and conflicting opinions and beliefs now which I know my parents will obviously disapprove, so why bother mentioning it to them? It will only create more trouble for me.

I think I’d better stop here, but if I were someone else, I definitely wouldn’t wanna read about a person complaining about their parents because it’s not nice, so I feel a bit bad if people were to read this. But then again, there may be some people who like reading this kinda stuff. I mean, I like reading romance most of the time, and I hate reading sad stuff or conflicts or sufferings, but a lot of people like it, or at least don’t mind it.

At least I wrote sth negative. I was starting to feel a bit weird, juz writing about meaningless stuff (to me, that is), when what I wanted to write when I started to blog was all these kinda stupid incidents and how I felt about it.

Hopefully, next time will be a better post. ^^;