Taste - matter of opinion

Also, I dunno how many ppl are like me in this way, but if I liked a song a lot, I’d want to share it. I’d want other ppl to listen to it, & hope that they like it too. Unfortunately, it seems that either the songs I like are really not that great, or that I’m living with the wrong ppl, because nobody seems to particularly like them the way I do. The only ppl who I can find, & I did (starting from 2006, which was 3 years after that), was online, & that’s about it. Still, it made me happy to know that many other ppl like those songs as well as me, & it was a nice feeling.

Still, I dunno why, sometimes I feel the need to share the song with someone whom I know offline, but I’ve pretty much given up at that, because nobody’s really interested to listen, & nobody shares that particular interest with me T_T

So, the reason why I’m blogging this is because I wanna say sth, but also because I decided to keep the happiness of listening to the songs by myself. As in, although I may feel that it’s selfish or sth like that, it’s not really so because other ppl that I know wouldn’t appreciate them anyway, so what for put the effort of sharing?

It’s like, my dad said sth recently, which made me realise something which I didn’t like. I forgot what I did, but it was to do with a song, & I asked him how is it, & he asked why. & I was saying, no particular reason, but he didn’t believe me, & maybe it was because of the way I asked, but he was in that mood anyway (the kinda mood that’s analysing ppl more than usual), so he was saying that there could be a few reasons, but one of them is as though I want his approval. & that didn’t sound very nice. But I had this horrid feeling it was true, even though I denied it outright. It feels kinda pathetic to want his approval, after all his years, that I’d want him to say that the song is nice, or that my taste is not bad, or sth similar. So because I realised it, I must stop doing that kinda thing ^^;

Another thing that happened recently, which is actually the main point of this blog, because it’s the reason I wanted to blog this, is because there was someone close to me that always listened to my songs. You see, I asked her, whether she’d be ok listening to my songs, & she said she won’t mind, as long as they’re not noisy (because the kinda songs I like listening to are quite noisy, but not all of them).

So I’d let her listen to them, & most of the time she wouldn’t say anything about them, but sometimes she’d comment that they’re quite nice, or not bad, & that made me very happy. & I’d try to let her listen to those songs that I liked that may be similar to the ones she commented, if she liked the same style.

But she hurt my feelings recently, & it’s been a long time since I’ve been hurt so badly that I feel I’m still recovering, but at least I’m half glad that happened, because she was saying how she felt, & I’m glad she told me the truth even though she hid it for so long, & I was determined to never make her listen to my songs ever again, although that didn’t actually happen because it’s hard to break habits, but it is sort of being broken, because she hasn’t listened to my songs much after that, just once or twice. & when I think of letting her hear my songs, I can’t help remembering what she said.

Anyway, what happened was, I was letting her listen to some songs, & I was like, “Not bad, rite?” in a very happy way. & she said not bad, much better than some songs I let her hear last time which were really horrible. & when she said that, I wasn’t too happy, but I wanted to know which songs they were (& I was trying to guess), but obviously she didn’t remember cos she doesn’t pay that much attention to my songs anway, but she said that they were really horrible & tuneless, & also all noise sometimes (which may be true, but not in my opinion), & she said that at those times, or last time, she couldn’t help feeling that my dad was right, & that I really don’t have any taste in music (yes, he really said that to me).

So I couldn’t help feeling, why didn’t she tell me at that time when I was playing the songs that they were horrible, or that she didn’t like them? If she said that, I would’ve stopped playing it, & changed songs, & it’s not like it’d hurt my feelings. & now only she says all this, when she’s been listening to my songs all this while. If she said it earlier, I wouldn’t have bothered her with my lousy songs anymore. What really hurt my feelings is that she said I have no taste. That made me very angry also at the same time. I mean, think of someone saying to you, “You have no taste.” It’s like saying that you have no taste in clothes, or something like that. Guys may not make a big deal of that, but it’s just an example, the matter of taste can be applied to a lotta other things. I can’t help thinking of the “no taste in guys/girls” just because you say you like someone, but it may still not apply to some ppl ^^;

Anyway, I hope you get my point. Taste is a matter of opinion. So I’ll keep my opinion to myself about my songs (I always have anyway, just not to her, so at least now I know). & I hope you know that some things said can hurt ppl a lot, without you realising it, but you should know that, because that’s normal. The only problem is knowing what would hurt other ppl’s feelings, because this may not have hurt other ppl, but it hurt me.

Also, some things I said in the beginning of the post may not have seemed relevant to you, but it was relevant enough to me, & this may sound weird, but I feel that every sentence I said, has a meaning, in a way. That’d show what kind of a person I am, or sth like that. & if you didn’t really see any meaning to it, it’s ok, it doesn’t really matter, so you don’t have to crack your head finding a meaning for each sentence. But maybe I’ve been trying to analyse ppl too much, but the reason why ppl say or do things normally have a meaning. If they don’t know why they said or do that, then that means they either don’t know themselves very well, or there really isn’t a meaning for some things, & they can just pass you by. But maybe I’m just oversensitive, but it’s not like I really ask someone after every single sentence what they really meant by that (which is what my dad did to me sometimes, & it’s quite irritating trying to give him a reason, & him arguing about it).

I’d like to give an example for that, but none come to my mind atm, & I’d like to give a good example that isn’t negative & mean, so if I remember a good one, I’ll blog about it next time, since this can be quite an interesting topic.

Anyway, I wrote quite long this time, but it’s ok, since my exams ended & I should have the time after the exam to relax & write something, but I’m sorry that this is not a happy post, but that’s life, & I want to write a not happy post once in a long while, just to show that I’m human, & that I’m obviously not happy all the time, but it’s funny that I’m writing this, since it happened over a month ago, but it’s just that I decided to write this, so that’s why I didn’t forget about it. But I realised that writing this kinda post is not good, especially when you weren’t in the mood to write it, because it’d affect your mood after that ^^;

& altho my topic is about matter of taste, I was thinking that I was only thinking about music, & even then, there were a lotta things to say... but the only other topic I could think about was taste in guys, & I don't wanna go into that lol ;-P

also, I'll be going to Singapore! XD for 3 days, coming back on monday~ it's been so long since I've been to singapore, last time was probably when I was a baby... ^^; so, am a bit excited hahaha ;-)