Ramblings

I sorta wanted to focus on blogging the most in my hols, but find tt my mind is still as blank as ever. Writer's block?

And as usual, the few times I feel that I have sth good to write, it's normally when I'm not in front of a computer, so I forget what I wanted to blog *shakes head* I keep on repeating the same old mistakes, it's frustrating.

Also, I feel rather depressed. Because if I pass, I've to start working, & I don't know a thing about CV or interviews, & to learn how to do all that... I wish I could run away, seriously. On the other hand, if I fail, I can escape that for the moment, but I have to resit what I failed, which is quite horrible, because there's no guarantee that I'll pass even if I resit T_T so I know it's not worth failing to escape this because I've to face it eventually, but I did rather badly in the exams, so only if a miracle happens, I'd be able to pass.

So I'm trying not to think about it, cos no point having all this go through my head everyday when I can only wait for my results. So I end up just lying & lazing around. I really do feel lazy, not sure why. As in, normally I don't feel that lazy.

I'm normally lazy, but when it comes to my entertainment, I can spend the whole day indulging myself in "useless things" (what my father says). But now, I don't feel like doing anything at all. So that kinda sucks.

& a week of my hols has passed, & I wonder what I did during that time, cos I don't feel like I really indulged in anything that I usually indulged in previously. Time just passes by in a flash *sighs*

but I think I'm getting a bit used to it, indulging in my hobbies (or whatever I like doing). as in, because I was feeling particularly depressed lately, I started not caring again about anything (happens mostly at night tho). When I have moods like that, it's much easier to do what I want to do somehow, not sure why. Times passes by, & by the time I realise it, it's super late, & I should've slept hours ago (ok maybe one hour lol), & I start losing sleep.

but then I'm not a very good sleeper anyway, so usually when I lack sleep I sorta feel sleepy & then I'll be able to sleep earlier or longer on other days. & that's how my life goes.

blogging takes up quite a lotta time for me, if I want to say something meaningful cos unfortunately things just don't come so naturally for me. but for all the crap I said just now it doesn't take up much time, because these are all the thoughts shouting in my head, wanting to get out for days, but I was reluctant to let them out because I wouldn't want to read them if I were you, that's all.

but I couldn't stand it anymore, & it's better to let it out rather than to keep it in, & to not blog, cos then it's like I'm not reciprocating people's feelings, those who check my blog, something like that. because I do blog for people to read. even if I don't really do a good job about it. but anyone who reads my blog is my friend (in a way).

if you read my blog, it means you're just like all those people whom i talk to who don't read my blog, because you would know me, but in different ways.

suddenly i feel like i've totally diverged from whatever i was blogging about, but it's ok, that's why the title is ramblings.


speaking of diverge, I like it when I talk to ppl & then I realise how the flow of conversation went. sometimes it jumps. like i could be talking about the meal, & the particular chicken reminded that person (or me) about something that just happened the other day, & maybe what happened had to do with a waitress, & i'll start talking about someone we both know who did part time waitress somewhere & how it was like, & so it'll go on.

actually the example i gave was kinda a normal flow. the kind that jumps from one topic to another could be like me talking about a cute dog i saw & my friend suddenly asks about whether i feel seasick easily. i find it amusing when that kinda random thing happens, but just to tell you, if this happens to you, it could be that the person wasn't really listening to you & was in their own thoughts.

but i hope you don't get too cynical, like me, cos that person could've really been listening to you, & just happened to think of ships when you talked about the dog. like, maybe that person just saw a show which had a sailor with a cute, faithful dog, & that dog was on the ship. then you can understand the correlation. but only if your friend is good enough to explain the link (or maybe if you asked).

so in the same way, i like how my own thoughts flow & jump. actually, i just meant to ramble a bit, not too long, then just when i was ending, i thought about how much i liked flow of conversations (which I don't think I ever talked about) & started sharing it with you, & it all came very naturally, & became this long lol

so when I realised what I just did, I was gonna edit all that I just said about conversations & put it into a separate post all by itselt lol but i think it's kinda amusing what i just did, so i'm leaving it here ^_^ natural, like how it should be, with all my long-windedness ;-P

not professional, but who cares? it's MY blog XD

i'm sick & tired of professional things sometimes, cos I am well aware of how incapable I am at everything, so I'm just gonna at least enjoy myself with this blog, & be professional only if I'm in the mood ;-)

oh ya, wanted to share a video that I really like here



there're elements that I don't like in here, like the thing about breaking things just for a show, but looking at this video which is a success makes me think that there're probably lots of intangible things that are broken (failures experienced), but we'll succeed one day ;-) & it'll be worth it ^__^