so cute XDD
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Love (the soulmate kind)
I've finished my exams (again), so I'm gonna blog as much as I like XD well, more like, as long as I like muahahahaha so be prepared for long-windedness! ;-D
This has been a topic that I've been debating on & off about whether to blog about or not, because I've actually been avoiding this topic, even though I love it so much, & people who know me would know that I can't help talking about it.
Cos let's face it, love is very necessary in this world. Just not the soulmate kind. Well, it's sorta necessary & yet isn't, cos there're people who don't find their soulmates (it's sad), but it's not so bad if you think about it since we were born alone in this world, & we'll die alone anyway (this is where religion comes in, which I would NEVER blog about, just thought I'd let you know that).
Well, maybe rather than love, I like talking about relationships, socialising, that kinda thing XD which is stupid, cos I suck at socialising (seriously, I'm actually rather shy T__T), & I haven't been in those kinda relationships before (don't ask me why >__>).
The funny thing is, I know that last time (like before 16 years old), I've always felt that there was something wrong with me, & I loved the idea of a soulmate too much to even be able to find someone in that way (if you understand what I mean).
As in, I wanted a boyfriend (probably like any other stupid teenage girl) but thank goodness I've grown up now, & it's like the stained glass that I've been viewing through has cracked, so now I'm seeing everything in a different light (well, not everything, I'm just trying to emphasise a point lol).
& it's partly thanks to someone that I've realised that I was in love with the idea of a soulmate, not that I loved anyone that way, & now I'm pretty happy being by myself (until the right one comes along, of course).
So yeah, I'm spilling my guts out just in case there are others like me who've felt the same way. Realise it please!!! ;-P then you wouldn't get into relationships that you would regret. Actually, I know quite a number who have regretted ;-( So I'm not just talking crap, I'm talking about real life people here, & it's advice well worth following ;-)
Anyway, when I said that I like talking about relationships & all that, it's more like I like talking about issues in a relationship, which before this, I've been applying in very general ways. Because most topics apply to general relationships & not pertaining to only those kinds, but in truth, I was thinking about the soulmate kind first, then comparing with any normal relationship (friends, family, that's basically it hahaha).
& although I said that I'll blog about it, because I haven't even talked about anything yet (that's called long-winded lol or also beating around the bush? but I don't consider it to be beating around the bush because I'm not purposely avoiding it, just giving a looonng introduction about it ;-P), so I'm just gonna talk about one aspect of the issues. It is common, applicable & (to me) interesting (actually, I may or may not talk about it, cos if it can be applied to general relationships, then I don't need to purposely blog it in this post, I can make a separate post pertaining to that issue only, & compare the differences when applied to the separate kinds of relationships).
So, what is love? A very hard question, but I like to think of love as a commitment, but it's obviously much more than that. As in, after that when you differentiate the different kinds of love, I find it very strange that love isn't all the same thing. Actually it is, but you can only have one soulmate love, that kinda thing. So it's different to me all the same. & I used to ask my mum countless times (it was hard to not ask), about what's the difference between soulmate love & other love, & it's so hard for me to understand where you draw the line (in the end, I never got a proper answer anyway. & she did say something, but I forgot, so, too bad).
Most people (including me) would prioritise on the attraction part 1st. Which I think is kinda obvious, cos even though I asked my mum that question, I kinda differentiated the soulmate love from the rest that way. That does seem to be the only thing that's different, since you have s** (why do I feel it's vulgar when I say it?!? lol jk, actually it's also cos I think I'll get spam if I put that word there T__T). Unfortunately, people shouldn't adopt this view unless you hardly feel attracted to anyone. Because that's how a lotta people make the wrong decision & assume a soulmate for themselves (or maybe they're just seeking gratituitous pleasure).
Basically, what I knew since young was that the soulmate kind was the kind you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. Sounds kinda heavy? Well, not to me, because I feel that I could tolerate living with someone else. It's just like having a roommate, but I guess it's not exactly the ideal thing people normally think of, whereas I feel quite content about it. Depends on how horrible your roommate is lol
Actually, after writing all that crap, I forgot to emphasise on what soulmate really is. Most people are on the impression that you'd know them when you see them kinda thing (like love at first sight). Sorry, but I don't believe in that. & even if you would sort of know, it's not such a strong feeling like that. More like, when you meet someone, you may feel a "kinship" with them. So it's kinda the same thing.
Anyway, I'm kinda tired, so I'll stop here lol to be more accurate, I've lost the flow cos I got distracted by other stuff (we all know how easy that could be). & yes, I'm sure there're people who disagree with me here & there, or even the whole thing, but that's normal. I didn't say it was an absolute fact or anything. All just my opinion. XD
This has been a topic that I've been debating on & off about whether to blog about or not, because I've actually been avoiding this topic, even though I love it so much, & people who know me would know that I can't help talking about it.
Cos let's face it, love is very necessary in this world. Just not the soulmate kind. Well, it's sorta necessary & yet isn't, cos there're people who don't find their soulmates (it's sad), but it's not so bad if you think about it since we were born alone in this world, & we'll die alone anyway (this is where religion comes in, which I would NEVER blog about, just thought I'd let you know that).
Well, maybe rather than love, I like talking about relationships, socialising, that kinda thing XD which is stupid, cos I suck at socialising (seriously, I'm actually rather shy T__T), & I haven't been in those kinda relationships before (don't ask me why >__>).
The funny thing is, I know that last time (like before 16 years old), I've always felt that there was something wrong with me, & I loved the idea of a soulmate too much to even be able to find someone in that way (if you understand what I mean).
As in, I wanted a boyfriend (probably like any other stupid teenage girl) but thank goodness I've grown up now, & it's like the stained glass that I've been viewing through has cracked, so now I'm seeing everything in a different light (well, not everything, I'm just trying to emphasise a point lol).
& it's partly thanks to someone that I've realised that I was in love with the idea of a soulmate, not that I loved anyone that way, & now I'm pretty happy being by myself (until the right one comes along, of course).
So yeah, I'm spilling my guts out just in case there are others like me who've felt the same way. Realise it please!!! ;-P then you wouldn't get into relationships that you would regret. Actually, I know quite a number who have regretted ;-( So I'm not just talking crap, I'm talking about real life people here, & it's advice well worth following ;-)
Anyway, when I said that I like talking about relationships & all that, it's more like I like talking about issues in a relationship, which before this, I've been applying in very general ways. Because most topics apply to general relationships & not pertaining to only those kinds, but in truth, I was thinking about the soulmate kind first, then comparing with any normal relationship (friends, family, that's basically it hahaha).
& although I said that I'll blog about it, because I haven't even talked about anything yet (that's called long-winded lol or also beating around the bush? but I don't consider it to be beating around the bush because I'm not purposely avoiding it, just giving a looonng introduction about it ;-P), so I'm just gonna talk about one aspect of the issues. It is common, applicable & (to me) interesting (actually, I may or may not talk about it, cos if it can be applied to general relationships, then I don't need to purposely blog it in this post, I can make a separate post pertaining to that issue only, & compare the differences when applied to the separate kinds of relationships).
So, what is love? A very hard question, but I like to think of love as a commitment, but it's obviously much more than that. As in, after that when you differentiate the different kinds of love, I find it very strange that love isn't all the same thing. Actually it is, but you can only have one soulmate love, that kinda thing. So it's different to me all the same. & I used to ask my mum countless times (it was hard to not ask), about what's the difference between soulmate love & other love, & it's so hard for me to understand where you draw the line (in the end, I never got a proper answer anyway. & she did say something, but I forgot, so, too bad).
Most people (including me) would prioritise on the attraction part 1st. Which I think is kinda obvious, cos even though I asked my mum that question, I kinda differentiated the soulmate love from the rest that way. That does seem to be the only thing that's different, since you have s** (why do I feel it's vulgar when I say it?!? lol jk, actually it's also cos I think I'll get spam if I put that word there T__T). Unfortunately, people shouldn't adopt this view unless you hardly feel attracted to anyone. Because that's how a lotta people make the wrong decision & assume a soulmate for themselves (or maybe they're just seeking gratituitous pleasure).
Basically, what I knew since young was that the soulmate kind was the kind you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. Sounds kinda heavy? Well, not to me, because I feel that I could tolerate living with someone else. It's just like having a roommate, but I guess it's not exactly the ideal thing people normally think of, whereas I feel quite content about it. Depends on how horrible your roommate is lol
Actually, after writing all that crap, I forgot to emphasise on what soulmate really is. Most people are on the impression that you'd know them when you see them kinda thing (like love at first sight). Sorry, but I don't believe in that. & even if you would sort of know, it's not such a strong feeling like that. More like, when you meet someone, you may feel a "kinship" with them. So it's kinda the same thing.
Anyway, I'm kinda tired, so I'll stop here lol to be more accurate, I've lost the flow cos I got distracted by other stuff (we all know how easy that could be). & yes, I'm sure there're people who disagree with me here & there, or even the whole thing, but that's normal. I didn't say it was an absolute fact or anything. All just my opinion. XD
Friday, October 16, 2009
A driving perspective
I only just realised lately how my way of thinking has changed now that I'm driving.
Supposedly people who drive know when it will be a traffic jam, at which areas & so on. I only know that if I go back later than 5, I'll definitely be slower going back compared to going home earlier. So I try to go back earlier, but sometimes classes prevent me from doing so.
I couldn't help wondering why I didn't notice anything when it was jam when I wasn't driving last time? Obviously it must be because I'm not driving, & it feels so much different driving in a jam compared to sitting in the car in a jam. Both I don't particularly mind, the only difference is that driving is not as relaxing as sitting in the car as a passenger. & my leg sometimes aches (even though my car is not manual)
Also, now that I drive, I start having urges to bang cars & people just because they annoy me. & I'm refraining from saying more because this probably portrays me in a more bad light already. Not that I care. I'm very unfeeling in this kind of circumstances. Especially when seeing some really horrible drivers on the road. Sadly, sometimes I'm a terrible driver too (occasionally!), so I'd understand if someone couldn't stand it & crashed my car or something.
Anyway, I was just kidding about what I said (refer previous paragraph). I'm a nice person (I think?), so I didn't really mean what I said. But it'd be better if we didn't meet on the road cos I WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU. Just kidding haha. Again. Unless you deserve it, then I'd see whether there was a way you'd be punished for whatever you did on the road. You can run but you can't hide. Except if you're the police. Then you're lucky (& I hate you).
Speaking of police, a police car cut into the line at a traffic light today, can you believe that? I don't see why you can't, but it's better not to speak badly about certain people (except in private & in my head, I'm definitely cursing you). And the police car wasn't using the siren or anything, so it should be considered just a normal car. But such is life. C'est la vie (does that make sense? I think I shall be using that phrase more now. It seems to be what I've been saying these days. Better than "never mind", I suppose).
I guess it's kinda funny how someone's perspective would differ depending on whether they're the driver or not. But of course, it'd be better if your perspective didn't change, although it's good to know different perceptions.
I wonder why I always end in this kinda way. But it's hard for me to end another way, so I guess this'll have to do. Maybe it's also cos I don't want to end my posts or something. These days I'm finding it harder to write though. Hopefully I won't get writer's block yet cos I still feel that I have hardly blogged.
Oh ya, public holiday this weekend ^__^ well, only on saturday, but still XD
Supposedly people who drive know when it will be a traffic jam, at which areas & so on. I only know that if I go back later than 5, I'll definitely be slower going back compared to going home earlier. So I try to go back earlier, but sometimes classes prevent me from doing so.
I couldn't help wondering why I didn't notice anything when it was jam when I wasn't driving last time? Obviously it must be because I'm not driving, & it feels so much different driving in a jam compared to sitting in the car in a jam. Both I don't particularly mind, the only difference is that driving is not as relaxing as sitting in the car as a passenger. & my leg sometimes aches (even though my car is not manual)
Also, now that I drive, I start having urges to bang cars & people just because they annoy me. & I'm refraining from saying more because this probably portrays me in a more bad light already. Not that I care. I'm very unfeeling in this kind of circumstances. Especially when seeing some really horrible drivers on the road. Sadly, sometimes I'm a terrible driver too (occasionally!), so I'd understand if someone couldn't stand it & crashed my car or something.
Anyway, I was just kidding about what I said (refer previous paragraph). I'm a nice person (I think?), so I didn't really mean what I said. But it'd be better if we didn't meet on the road cos I WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU. Just kidding haha. Again. Unless you deserve it, then I'd see whether there was a way you'd be punished for whatever you did on the road. You can run but you can't hide. Except if you're the police. Then you're lucky (& I hate you).
Speaking of police, a police car cut into the line at a traffic light today, can you believe that? I don't see why you can't, but it's better not to speak badly about certain people (except in private & in my head, I'm definitely cursing you). And the police car wasn't using the siren or anything, so it should be considered just a normal car. But such is life. C'est la vie (does that make sense? I think I shall be using that phrase more now. It seems to be what I've been saying these days. Better than "never mind", I suppose).
I guess it's kinda funny how someone's perspective would differ depending on whether they're the driver or not. But of course, it'd be better if your perspective didn't change, although it's good to know different perceptions.
I wonder why I always end in this kinda way. But it's hard for me to end another way, so I guess this'll have to do. Maybe it's also cos I don't want to end my posts or something. These days I'm finding it harder to write though. Hopefully I won't get writer's block yet cos I still feel that I have hardly blogged.
Oh ya, public holiday this weekend ^__^ well, only on saturday, but still XD
Monday, October 12, 2009
Vertically Challenged
For those of you who don't know, I'm quite short. I'm just a bit above 5 feet (152 cm). Actually, I'm sure I'm not as short as many other people cos I seem to be a bit below average for an Asian girl at this age (average for me is supposedly around 5 feet 3 inches or 157cm).
But I was remembering how I wanted to grow taller when I was a child (every child seems to want that though lol). & I remember how many times I cried because I wasn't tall enough (it sounds stupid when I say it somehow).
If you're wondering why I cried, it's actually because I didn't grow up fast enough, & at the age when kids wanted to play this, & ride that, I was unable to because I didn't meet the bloody height requirement. & I remember looking up at the stupid requirement & think "I must definitely be that tall". Which happened to be 5 feet, so that's what I aimed for, & got lol
I think probably after that was when this height issue ceased to be so important, & I hardly think about it anymore now. What I'm occupied with (which most women would be occupied with) is my weight & fat, & I wish that one day I wouldn't have to bother with all these things, but I'm not sure whether that day would ever come.
Actually I wanted to write about all the times I sort of suffered (if you could it that) for being short. So that other people would know how short people feel like. But I can't really think of anything to say, except that I did get teased quite a lot for being short. & you can't stop people from being teased, it'll happen all the time. So that's too bad.
But if someone could see from a short person's point of view, that'd be great. But I doubt anyone could see anything from my post ^^;
But I was remembering how I wanted to grow taller when I was a child (every child seems to want that though lol). & I remember how many times I cried because I wasn't tall enough (it sounds stupid when I say it somehow).
If you're wondering why I cried, it's actually because I didn't grow up fast enough, & at the age when kids wanted to play this, & ride that, I was unable to because I didn't meet the bloody height requirement. & I remember looking up at the stupid requirement & think "I must definitely be that tall". Which happened to be 5 feet, so that's what I aimed for, & got lol
I think probably after that was when this height issue ceased to be so important, & I hardly think about it anymore now. What I'm occupied with (which most women would be occupied with) is my weight & fat, & I wish that one day I wouldn't have to bother with all these things, but I'm not sure whether that day would ever come.
Actually I wanted to write about all the times I sort of suffered (if you could it that) for being short. So that other people would know how short people feel like. But I can't really think of anything to say, except that I did get teased quite a lot for being short. & you can't stop people from being teased, it'll happen all the time. So that's too bad.
But if someone could see from a short person's point of view, that'd be great. But I doubt anyone could see anything from my post ^^;
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Tolerance
I envy people who are not sensitive sleepers. Because I am quite sensitive, & what I hate are certain noises waking me up >_> & I'm feeling particularly grumpy (what my family usually calls me), so you should be able to guess what happened
A good example is the dog next door. My room is sorta right next to it compared to the other rooms in the house. & I dunno what is wrong with the dog, but he tends to bark in the middle of the night. I'm not sure how often he barks because I don't wake up every single night because of his barking, but there are times when I do wake up & am unable to sleep because of him. It's probably the only time when I have this deep desire/urge to KILL HIM T_T or at least, injure him to the extent that he wouldn' t be able to make any sound for the rest of his life ^__^ I hope that didn't freak anyone out, but this is preparing you for future violent posts of my (supposedly) dark thoughts.
When I complained about being woken up to my mum, she started talking about adapting & crap like that. She's always very good at annoying me, especially when I'm in this kinda mood. It's even more annoying, making it sound as though it is so easy when it's not, & I've already adapted from not being able to sleep with the light on to able to sleep as long as I cover my eyes kinda thing, but I'm still pretty sensitive in terms of noise.
Probably what's more annoying is that, I've changed. Thinking about myself, I know I was a spoilt brat & I wouldn't be offended or upset if I was still called a spoilt brat now (unless it was unjustified & assumed by some idiots who are very good at jumping to conclusions), but seriously, I've changed since last time. & it was because of my friends, not because of my family. Sad rite?
& I think I mentioned it before, that my family didn't seem to notice. Well, too bad for them. I just feel so frustrated sometimes that I'd want to shout it out, that I'm not like that anymore. But since they assumed, & their eyes aren't opened to see it, I can only hope that they realise it one day, somehow. Although I doubt that it's ever going to happen, but I don't really give a damn anymore.
Actually, this was one of the reasons why I started blogging. Not because I'd want other people to know something that even my own family doesn't (because that's my family's main opinion about bloggers), but because I wanna complain (which actually I do in private in my own diary manually) about these kinda things & they don't seem to want to know about me anyway, so I'm just sharing my feelings with other people. & also hope that they relate to me. But even if nobody is able to relate to me, it's fine because everyone is different in some way or other, so it's not surprising to have different problems. But I do know that I share a lotta similar problems with other people, & it does feel better to let it all out, so this could also encourage other people to blog emo posts like me lol. I hardly blog emo posts anyway, so I don't see why anyone should be tired of seeing my emo posts. & if you're tired, don't read. Simple.
Going back to the topic of sleeping, supposedly adapting means you WILL be able to sleep even though you couldn't previously (my mum didn't even mention show, she just said adapt). Maybe my mind is not open either, but telling that to me does not help me adapt in any way, & actually, I've heard her say it before, many times last time, I just forgot all about it till just now, since it's been a long time since I actually expressed my frustrations in tolerating something like this
My conclusion: Don't bother talking to someone about something if it is sure to annoy you. In some cases, it's better not to talk about it as well.
A good example is the dog next door. My room is sorta right next to it compared to the other rooms in the house. & I dunno what is wrong with the dog, but he tends to bark in the middle of the night. I'm not sure how often he barks because I don't wake up every single night because of his barking, but there are times when I do wake up & am unable to sleep because of him. It's probably the only time when I have this deep desire/urge to KILL HIM T_T or at least, injure him to the extent that he wouldn' t be able to make any sound for the rest of his life ^__^ I hope that didn't freak anyone out, but this is preparing you for future violent posts of my (supposedly) dark thoughts.
When I complained about being woken up to my mum, she started talking about adapting & crap like that. She's always very good at annoying me, especially when I'm in this kinda mood. It's even more annoying, making it sound as though it is so easy when it's not, & I've already adapted from not being able to sleep with the light on to able to sleep as long as I cover my eyes kinda thing, but I'm still pretty sensitive in terms of noise.
Probably what's more annoying is that, I've changed. Thinking about myself, I know I was a spoilt brat & I wouldn't be offended or upset if I was still called a spoilt brat now (unless it was unjustified & assumed by some idiots who are very good at jumping to conclusions), but seriously, I've changed since last time. & it was because of my friends, not because of my family. Sad rite?
& I think I mentioned it before, that my family didn't seem to notice. Well, too bad for them. I just feel so frustrated sometimes that I'd want to shout it out, that I'm not like that anymore. But since they assumed, & their eyes aren't opened to see it, I can only hope that they realise it one day, somehow. Although I doubt that it's ever going to happen, but I don't really give a damn anymore.
Actually, this was one of the reasons why I started blogging. Not because I'd want other people to know something that even my own family doesn't (because that's my family's main opinion about bloggers), but because I wanna complain (which actually I do in private in my own diary manually) about these kinda things & they don't seem to want to know about me anyway, so I'm just sharing my feelings with other people. & also hope that they relate to me. But even if nobody is able to relate to me, it's fine because everyone is different in some way or other, so it's not surprising to have different problems. But I do know that I share a lotta similar problems with other people, & it does feel better to let it all out, so this could also encourage other people to blog emo posts like me lol. I hardly blog emo posts anyway, so I don't see why anyone should be tired of seeing my emo posts. & if you're tired, don't read. Simple.
Going back to the topic of sleeping, supposedly adapting means you WILL be able to sleep even though you couldn't previously (my mum didn't even mention show, she just said adapt). Maybe my mind is not open either, but telling that to me does not help me adapt in any way, & actually, I've heard her say it before, many times last time, I just forgot all about it till just now, since it's been a long time since I actually expressed my frustrations in tolerating something like this
My conclusion: Don't bother talking to someone about something if it is sure to annoy you. In some cases, it's better not to talk about it as well.
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