Taste - matter of opinion

Also, I dunno how many ppl are like me in this way, but if I liked a song a lot, I’d want to share it. I’d want other ppl to listen to it, & hope that they like it too. Unfortunately, it seems that either the songs I like are really not that great, or that I’m living with the wrong ppl, because nobody seems to particularly like them the way I do. The only ppl who I can find, & I did (starting from 2006, which was 3 years after that), was online, & that’s about it. Still, it made me happy to know that many other ppl like those songs as well as me, & it was a nice feeling.

Still, I dunno why, sometimes I feel the need to share the song with someone whom I know offline, but I’ve pretty much given up at that, because nobody’s really interested to listen, & nobody shares that particular interest with me T_T

So, the reason why I’m blogging this is because I wanna say sth, but also because I decided to keep the happiness of listening to the songs by myself. As in, although I may feel that it’s selfish or sth like that, it’s not really so because other ppl that I know wouldn’t appreciate them anyway, so what for put the effort of sharing?

It’s like, my dad said sth recently, which made me realise something which I didn’t like. I forgot what I did, but it was to do with a song, & I asked him how is it, & he asked why. & I was saying, no particular reason, but he didn’t believe me, & maybe it was because of the way I asked, but he was in that mood anyway (the kinda mood that’s analysing ppl more than usual), so he was saying that there could be a few reasons, but one of them is as though I want his approval. & that didn’t sound very nice. But I had this horrid feeling it was true, even though I denied it outright. It feels kinda pathetic to want his approval, after all his years, that I’d want him to say that the song is nice, or that my taste is not bad, or sth similar. So because I realised it, I must stop doing that kinda thing ^^;

Another thing that happened recently, which is actually the main point of this blog, because it’s the reason I wanted to blog this, is because there was someone close to me that always listened to my songs. You see, I asked her, whether she’d be ok listening to my songs, & she said she won’t mind, as long as they’re not noisy (because the kinda songs I like listening to are quite noisy, but not all of them).

So I’d let her listen to them, & most of the time she wouldn’t say anything about them, but sometimes she’d comment that they’re quite nice, or not bad, & that made me very happy. & I’d try to let her listen to those songs that I liked that may be similar to the ones she commented, if she liked the same style.

But she hurt my feelings recently, & it’s been a long time since I’ve been hurt so badly that I feel I’m still recovering, but at least I’m half glad that happened, because she was saying how she felt, & I’m glad she told me the truth even though she hid it for so long, & I was determined to never make her listen to my songs ever again, although that didn’t actually happen because it’s hard to break habits, but it is sort of being broken, because she hasn’t listened to my songs much after that, just once or twice. & when I think of letting her hear my songs, I can’t help remembering what she said.

Anyway, what happened was, I was letting her listen to some songs, & I was like, “Not bad, rite?” in a very happy way. & she said not bad, much better than some songs I let her hear last time which were really horrible. & when she said that, I wasn’t too happy, but I wanted to know which songs they were (& I was trying to guess), but obviously she didn’t remember cos she doesn’t pay that much attention to my songs anway, but she said that they were really horrible & tuneless, & also all noise sometimes (which may be true, but not in my opinion), & she said that at those times, or last time, she couldn’t help feeling that my dad was right, & that I really don’t have any taste in music (yes, he really said that to me).

So I couldn’t help feeling, why didn’t she tell me at that time when I was playing the songs that they were horrible, or that she didn’t like them? If she said that, I would’ve stopped playing it, & changed songs, & it’s not like it’d hurt my feelings. & now only she says all this, when she’s been listening to my songs all this while. If she said it earlier, I wouldn’t have bothered her with my lousy songs anymore. What really hurt my feelings is that she said I have no taste. That made me very angry also at the same time. I mean, think of someone saying to you, “You have no taste.” It’s like saying that you have no taste in clothes, or something like that. Guys may not make a big deal of that, but it’s just an example, the matter of taste can be applied to a lotta other things. I can’t help thinking of the “no taste in guys/girls” just because you say you like someone, but it may still not apply to some ppl ^^;

Anyway, I hope you get my point. Taste is a matter of opinion. So I’ll keep my opinion to myself about my songs (I always have anyway, just not to her, so at least now I know). & I hope you know that some things said can hurt ppl a lot, without you realising it, but you should know that, because that’s normal. The only problem is knowing what would hurt other ppl’s feelings, because this may not have hurt other ppl, but it hurt me.

Also, some things I said in the beginning of the post may not have seemed relevant to you, but it was relevant enough to me, & this may sound weird, but I feel that every sentence I said, has a meaning, in a way. That’d show what kind of a person I am, or sth like that. & if you didn’t really see any meaning to it, it’s ok, it doesn’t really matter, so you don’t have to crack your head finding a meaning for each sentence. But maybe I’ve been trying to analyse ppl too much, but the reason why ppl say or do things normally have a meaning. If they don’t know why they said or do that, then that means they either don’t know themselves very well, or there really isn’t a meaning for some things, & they can just pass you by. But maybe I’m just oversensitive, but it’s not like I really ask someone after every single sentence what they really meant by that (which is what my dad did to me sometimes, & it’s quite irritating trying to give him a reason, & him arguing about it).

I’d like to give an example for that, but none come to my mind atm, & I’d like to give a good example that isn’t negative & mean, so if I remember a good one, I’ll blog about it next time, since this can be quite an interesting topic.

Anyway, I wrote quite long this time, but it’s ok, since my exams ended & I should have the time after the exam to relax & write something, but I’m sorry that this is not a happy post, but that’s life, & I want to write a not happy post once in a long while, just to show that I’m human, & that I’m obviously not happy all the time, but it’s funny that I’m writing this, since it happened over a month ago, but it’s just that I decided to write this, so that’s why I didn’t forget about it. But I realised that writing this kinda post is not good, especially when you weren’t in the mood to write it, because it’d affect your mood after that ^^;

& altho my topic is about matter of taste, I was thinking that I was only thinking about music, & even then, there were a lotta things to say... but the only other topic I could think about was taste in guys, & I don't wanna go into that lol ;-P

also, I'll be going to Singapore! XD for 3 days, coming back on monday~ it's been so long since I've been to singapore, last time was probably when I was a baby... ^^; so, am a bit excited hahaha ;-)

Drinking Experience

lol you know what? I forgot all about my blog after that one week’s rest ^^;

Before I start with the topic of my post, I juz wanted to talk about what’s going on recently in the world to show that I’m not unaware of what’s going on. Of course, the main event is Olympics!

Some ppl aren’t interested at all in it because they’re not interested in sports. Some ppl may be surprised to know that I like sports, a lot, & I quite like watching it too, but normally don’t bother to because of constraint of time. The kind of sports in Olympics that I love watching (but obviously I can’t do) are the gymnastics, but I also liked to watch those snow sports, even though I didn’t get to much, but maybe it’s because it looks nice, & I can’t help feeling that the only reason why I can’t do those is because I’m living in a country which will never snow T_T but oh well, life is like that.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the channel to watch the Olympics event either, on Astro, although the local channel does show it, but there have been complaints about that local channel regarding the Olympics, so I didn’t bother trying to see the events on that particular channel. I might as well wait for the next Olympics lol.

anyway, back to the main topic. This will be a relatively short post compared to the other posts that I have been doing ^^; I just wanted to share the experience I felt, so I thought that I might as well blog about it ;-)

Technically, it wasn’t my 1^st time. But I think it was the first time I drank so much in the same hour, & legally, it was my 1^st time ^___^ I drank it in TGIFs at lunch (not a big deal, but just mentioning it). You see, it’s just that after that I still had classes, so it was quite amusing wondering whether ppl could tell that I was drunk (although I didn’t feel drunk, but I certainly felt something, & it could be considered a bit drunk).

It was funny, because after we ordered our meal (I was with someone at that time), including the drink, the waitress came back, saying that she needed to see our IC, & we were like, wth, but we showed her anyway, although mine is a Photostatted version because I wouldn’t dare to bring out my IC with me unless I really needed to, & probably she didn’t expect us to be old enough, cos she looked surprised, but she said OK & she confessed that she’s actually younger than us, which surprised me because I didn’t think so, but I’ve never been able to really tell the age of a person anyway.

Anyway, I don’t really remember what I ordered already, but I think it was called the 77 Sunset Strip, & it’s a mixture of gin, rum & vodka. At least, that’s what I think, but I only remember it having gin & vodka (& I know vodka is strong, so I thought I’d rather drink strong alcohol than weak alcohol lol). & I guessed that it was rum because the drink wasn’t bitter like when I normally drink alcohol last time, & it tasted a little bit like rum, but I could hardly taste it, & I still don’t know what gin & vodka taste like by themselves, but plenty of time & opportunity for that ;-P

You could say I drank it in one go, but I didn’t think of it that way. Because for one thing, I was drinking through a straw. When you drink through a straw, you can’t drink so much in one go, it gets quite limited ^^; but you could say I drank through the straw continuously without stopping until the glass was empty. But it wasn’t a very big glass, but not a small glass either, so it was quite ok. I’d say around 200-300 ml if my assumptions can be considered close to accurate ^^;

The effects wasn’t really immediate, but it took me a while to realise that what I was experiencing was because of alcohol ^^; my 1^st thought was that I felt dizzy, but then when I was trying to analyse my feelings & experience, it wasn’t exactly dizziness or nausea. It’s more like, my head felt really full, & a little bit heavy, & it was a bit hard for me to focus on what the other person was saying, but I’d concentrate on keeping my eyes focused on the person’s face lol ;-P I think I also felt a bit sleepy at the same time, but I really did feel a bit like wanting to roll my eyes to the back of my head, or at least something similar to that effect. It might’ve been considered as headache too, since headache is quite general, but it didn’t feel like the normal headaches that I have had. But whatever I experienced, it definitely wasn’t a high feeling, nor was it a happy feeling. Basically, just a foggy feeling in my mind, but I still could think & was still quite of sound mind haha ;-D I guess I wasn’t that drunk, but I can’t imagine being that drunk, although it should be possible, obviously. & I thought that it would be amusing if I still felt this way when I went for class, which was at least 2-3 hours later, but that feeling went away after one hour, gradually.

So yeah, that’s about it. Not sure when I’ll blog again, but I hope that I won’t procrastinate too much ^^; & my exams are next week, so maybe after end of August, at least…

Btw, my results for the previous exam came out this week, on Mon. & I failed. It’s the 1^st time I really failed sth in a more serious way, but I wasn’t shocked, I sorta expected it, & I’m not upset in any way at all. & I feel as though I wanted to prove it so much, that I failed because I didn’t do well enough in the exam, but not really. It’s just that whenever I tell someone that I’m gonna fail because I didn’t study enough, or that I didn’t do well in the exam so I’m gonna fail, nobody believes me because so far I’ve never failed before. Well, now I have. Finally~ it’s like, I half feel a bit relieved that I failed, because now I feel that I deserved it, even if I did study for it, because I know I didn’t do well in the exam at all, & I couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty last time when I passed even though I didn’t deserve it, but of course I was glad that I passed. I guess I’m finally in reality, & the good thing about reality is that you’ll feel much more satisfied & happy if you got good results & you know that it was all from your own effort rather than just being blessed even though you didn’t deserve it.

I’m not sure whether ppl will understand the last paragraph I juz wrote, but it doesn’t matter, sort of what I feel inside me that was always hard to say, because I doubt anyone would really understand my feelings. But, the good thing was that although I failed, I failed at costing, which was what I was struggling with, but still ok at it, whereas for law, I wasn’t really struggling, just found it hard to memorise all that crap. So I’m glad I didn’t fail law, because I was thinking, either I’d fail law, or costing, or even both, & it’d be horrible if I failed both T_T but I just can’t imagine doing law again, I’d feel terrible, whereas I wouldn’t really mind doing costing again, just that I’m a bit scared that I’ll fail, since I failed before anyway.

I’m quite sure I’ll fail in my test next week cos I’ve been slacking a lot (unusually depressed since term started), but it’s an internal exam, so I’m not so bothered with it atm, & I hope I’ll feel better so I can buck up & start studying hard like everyone else, but I can’t seem to take my life seriously. & I shouldn’t say this, because it’s not very nice, but actually, I’m pretty suicidal. & I can’t help thinking, there’s not much point living sometimes, so I feel like I might as well disappear from this world ^^; scary, isn’t it? If you’re not suicidal, you definitely wouldn’t understand this feeling, & probably can’t, & it could be because I’m spoilt, & have everything that I’d want, but maybe if I was poor & suffering, I’d feel the same way, but maybe not, since even now, there shouldn’t be any reason for me to feel suicidal, I’m not suffering that much like other ppl, but ppl do crazy things sometimes. Anyway, in case anyone thinks this, let me just clarify that my suicidal feelings are not because of my results because I felt it before my results. There isn’t really any reason for me to be suicidal, but all I want to say is, if I commit suicide, I’d rather do it for no particular reason, or a lot of trivial reasons, rather than for a specific reason, like my bf dumped me, or my results, or because I’ve been bullied by ppl etc.

Anyway, I’m sorry that my blog is longer than what I intended because I wrote another page’s worth of my results & all that, that was out of topic… see you after my exams, can’t wait for that to be over ^^;

[Tag] 6

I think blogging can be quite addictive ^^; but then, I’m the kind who gets addicted to certain things easily, & I sorta like it when I’m like that, because my mind is filled with thoughts of it, only that there were some things that I was addicted to that made me lose my sleep & were bothering me instead, so of course I wouldn’t wanna be addicted to those kinda things.

I’m only doing this tag because I was tagged in the 1^st place (like the previous tag). Actually, I really like doing tags, juz that I alwiz feel that I have quite a lot to say, & tags seem to be about small stuff about yourself, which doesn’t leave much stuff for explaining more about yourself, & it also shows how self-centred I am with wanting to write so much about myself T_T but anyway, I wrote a bit more here & there when I couldn’t stand it lol ^^;

Six things I'm passionate about:
1. Gay comics ^__^ (sounds weird tho haha), & other comics also
2. Internet & d/ling XD (it’s kinda general, but oh well)
3. Music, but mostly Japanese songs
4. Storybooks (romance mostly, but some children’s books are ok) ;-)
5. Love stories! (this is kinda strange also, but you have no idea how much I think of new love stories, imagining all kinds of scenarios in my head, & what the main characters would be like) ^^;
6. Love, relationships, socialism (I love experimenting in those areas ^__^)

Six things I say too often:
1. Never mind (my parents get irritated with me for saying it, which shows how often I say it)
2. OK/it’s OK
3. wth
4. shit
5. fine~ (more when I lose in an argument, which is quite often) ^^;
6. HAHAHAHA (means laugh a lot lol)

Six books I read recently (I would never think of comics as books although some might):
1. Pick Me Up – Zoe Rice
2. Regency Buck – Georgette Heyer
3. Devil’s Bride – Stephanie Laurens
4. Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows (I know, it’s been 1 yr, & actually I wanted to blog about it, but the feeling passed) ^^; no need to mention the author lol
5. Body Language – Morimoto Aki (it’s a gay novel, but it’s still counted)
6. err, I dun remember cos the 5 I mentioned were what I read in June after my exams, & before that, I don’t think I read since Dec, which were the hols before that) ^^; but it should be Sexiest Man Alive – Diana Holquist

Six songs I can listen to again and again:
~I’m the kind of person who listens to songs again & again, actually, so there’re lots of them, but I’ll list the ones that ppl would know of, like those English songs, rather than songs that ppl wouldn’t know ^^; very random selection T_T~
1. High Enough – Damn Yankees
2. Big Yellow Taxi – Counting Crows feat. Vanessa Carlton
3. Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison
4. Get Down, Make Love – Queen (HAHAHA I doubt many ppl have heard of this song, but the title itself is a bit… ^^; but when I first listened to it & liked it, I wasn’t aware of what the lyrics were, so please note that I listen more to the tune & beat & normally don’t pay attention to the lyrics) ^^;
5. Let’s Get It Started – Black Eyed Peas
6. Over You – Chris Daughtry

Six things I learnt in the past year:
1. um, accounting? Lol ^^; well, we did learn law, though unwillingly
2. just learnt driving, theory part only tho… gonna learn the practical soon ;-)
3. hehe some gay stuff which I wouldn’t go in details XP
4. my preferences in love stories (you know, other than happy or sad… I may blog more about it in the future) ;-)
5. some Internet stuff, like how to hyperlink LOL ;-P
6. to be more thick-skinned & not overly sensitive or self-conscious about certain things (eg. I’m with a group of ppl, but we’re not close friends, then when I ask something, nobody pays attention to me, & my question goes unanswered, & I feel like a total idiot >_> but since this happens when I’m with my family, I learnt to just accept the fact that at times ppl don’t notice me) ;-(

Six people that you're going to bring when you're on an island:
~this is kinda vague, I mean, is it a deserted island or not? Cos most questions like this would clearly state “deserted”, but anyway, I’ll just consider whose company I want whether deserted or not (although I can’t help thinking of it as deserted T_T), & assume that we all get along well, whatever else reality may be~

1. My best friend! ^__^
2. I know it’s stupid, but can it be Heath Ledger? Damn why’d I have to go & like a dead guy? >_>
3. The guy that I like atm (as long as we don’t get bored with each other) ^^;
4. Robinson Crusoe (if he really exists), because he’d be useful ;-P
5. Sinbad (cos he’s probably the most capable person of getting OFF the island)
6. haha if language barriers weren’t a problem, then I’d replace 3, 4 & 5 with the 2 members from DBSK that I like, & either Gackt or Hyde (L’Arc~en~ciel’s vocalist) XD but although I think Hyde is cute, I think I’d rather bring Gackt, cos I would like to know more about him ^^

Six people I tag (basically around the same ppl, cos I dunno who else to tag T_T):
1. Evelyn (different reasons this time, mainly because I feel, family first ;-P)
2. LadyVanity
3. weiqi
4. venuga
5. Wai Mei
6. Siao Wah (I didn’t tag you because I don’t think you read my blog, but I’m running out of names) ^^;

altho I feel like blogging more often, but this week itself has tired me out, so I don't think I'll be blogging for a while, but I hope to blog in a fortnight ;-) that's how I try to update my blog now, give myself one week's rest & another week to write a post lol ^__^