Lasting friends

I was thinking about this lately, because I've met some new people online. Those usually don't last lol not that I really mind, but I sometimes wonder at those who make lasting friendship with people whom they have never met, & probably will never meet. Rather than wonder, I suppose I envied that, but there's no point in envying, but I suppose I was always a bit of a dog in the manger ^^;

it's also that although I didn't think I had low self-esteem, but I suppose I did, & it hasn't completely gone away, because I sometimes wonder, why are people still with me? I'm so boring, & I'm not very nice blah blah blah... that kind of thought just happened to pop in my head recently, although I know I probably thought about this a lot more in school.

that thought caused me to adopt a sort of submissive agreeing attitude with strangers. Sometimes I still fall into this habit subconsciously. But is it so wrong to want to make sure that I'm liked? Although that's not really a guarantee that I'll be liked, but I just didn't want to be like my old self last time - a bit like a tyrant lol; demanding, selfish, self-centred, inflexible, cruel (maybe not that cruel). it's not like I've changed that much, but if anything, I think I suppressed some of the negative aspects.

usually, when I meet people online, we're chatting about something in particular. so naturally, when that topic has been exhausted, we stop chatting because we run out of topics. then we go on with our usual life.

this is a weird post, because it's still self-centred, & I'm still thinking about myself, but maybe this applies to other people also. or maybe not. I was thinking about what I did, because for some reason it's as though I was scared that I'll be hated or that I wouldn't be liked anymore. now it makes me think that I sound like I'm seriously in love with the person or something =_= but actually this applies to me in general, I'm sure there're people who feel this way too

thank goodness I don't feel that way around my family, cos they're stuck with me for LIFE ;-P but then that's what my parents complain about, that I act nice with other people & I'm grumpy with them. Sounds like they too want me to be fake and insincere & put up a front T_T but I know (at least, I think) that they don't mean it (either way, I think I'm not bothered to be fake at home as well ^^;)

I'm not saying that I'm fake with everybody else! o_O wth am I saying lol maybe I was a little fake at times, but it was just a subconscious thing, honest ;-)

now that I remembered, or realised, that my friends won't suddenly stop liking me or hanging out with me or hate me because of anything I may so or do, I feel much more relaxed, & I think I can say things more honestly now ;-D

but actually, even today, I kinda did it again ^^; oh well, some things are hard to change. actually, I think I do it with my family too, but much less. It depends on whether the other party gets easily irritated or angry or annoyed, I think. if not, then it's probably me getting annoyed at you ;-P crap, now I'm feeling guilty again

oh well, hooray for lasting friends! ;-) I have... at least 5 very good friends (I think), not counting one good friend online (my friend of the future? or was it past lol). actually it's hard to say because even if I think I have a good friend, if they don't think the same way, then I think it's not counted, you know? ^^;

それじゃ,　また　ね～ ;-)

translated: something like, "well, until next time~" ;-P

PS: if you use google translate, it's even worse than my translation hahahaha @_@

Heart no Kuni no Alice obsession

Have you ever been obsessed about anything?

I mean like, really obsessed.

I've forgotten just how strong an obsession/addiction could be. It's like, I could hardly concentrate or do anything because my mind was occupied with it. Kinda like how people in love feel like. But when I say love I mean more of the story I hear about not being able to concentrate on their studies cos they can't stop thinking about someone else, & that was why we weren't supposed to have relationships in school lol stupid story.

Not that it isn't true, it's just that there are people who can concentrate on studies AND have relationships, so... yeah. I got distracted lol sorry. Where was I? About how obsessed I was.

I think the last thing I was really obsessed about was L'Arc~en~Ciel. This time I'm obsessed with a story. It started with a manga. Then I found out the manga was based from a game. But the thing about stories based on games is that depending on how it is written/drawn, it can turn out better than the game. For me, this manga did.

The thing is, the manga was incomplete, which was probably what made me feel more obsessed about it. Normally, when I read a book, see a movie, or even a drama, I wouldn't normally feel so obsessed about it because, in my opinion, they're complete. If they're incomplete, that's where all the obsession starts. I mean, those complete things that I was obsessed about, the obsession only lasted a while, & not as strong. Well, the obsession on incomplete things lasted a while & usually died down too, but it made me very emotional.

So this time, I was super emotional after reading the manga. I felt so obsessed that I decided to look for fanfic on it. That's how I found out about the game. When the thought entered my head that I could play the game, that's kinda when I felt overwhelmed & super happy & it's like I got more obsessed than before.

Then, when I had problems installing the game, and the thought entered my head that I may not be able to play the game after all, I felt like something in me died inside. Seriously, it felt horrible. T_T although this obsession made me feel very happy, it also made me feel like shit. Thinking back about it, I definitely do not want to go through this again. Mild obsessions suit me just fine, thank you very much =_=

But my obsession was short-lived, thankfully. Er, 6 days after I started reading the manga, 3 days after I found out about the game. So I finished reading what little of the manga in 3 days lol. It kinda ended before I even installed the game. But this is kinda like a happy ending to my story ;-) I managed to install AND play the game XDD & I'm still at the beginning lol I'm going to play it quite slowly (or rather, as slowly I can manage, because games are addictive, & once I start I find it hard to stop).

Sorry but I didn't really talk about what my obsession is really all about (other than the fact that it's a manga & game). But I'm like that, so get used to it (sorry). It's about Alice in Wonderland! ^__^ but an alternate version. A version where... but I'm not gonna say anymore, you'll have to try finding out yourself if you're curious ;-P

If you're annoyed & wonder why I'm not bothering to say more about this story, well, it's because I find the story a bit embarrassing (but AWESOME lol), so I'd rather not go on & on about it, or else I would've gone on about lots of great anime & manga long ago.

It's like me saying, "Oh, I love that movie, that scene was so touching!" But actually what I liked about it was something totally different. Not that I didn't find the scene touching, but it's like the 3rd or 4th priority in my mind. But if you find out what this manga is about, you'll probably find out immediately, or even not, you'll think that's what I like >_> so dun bother finding out. please. it's a nice story, let's just leave it at that lol

anyway, I thought I'd put pics of what I was so crazy about ^__^ still am mildly obsessed with it now...

mad hatter's place. lots of teapots ;-D

Queen of Hearts residence ^^

& some of the characters... ;-) this is actually the 1st vol cover of the manga. new character, alice, the rabbit (you can see the ears) & the queen of hearts

PS: btw, it's the 1st game that I actually installed & played by myself. Of course, I had help from my father, but most of the things I had to figure out for myself. It was damn hard, you know T_T but then I'm ignorant about a lotta things, esp games, so maybe that's why I found it hard. anyway, just letting off a bit of steam ;-)